When You Left Me

51

Do We Start Over Or Move On?

Laurent

She walked into the room, I can see that her eyes were bloodshot. She had been crying? Why? Jasmine shut the door behind her and her eyes roamed over to the right. What was over there? My gaze followed and I stopped breathing. I had forgotten all about the staff girl, what was her name again?

"Wait Jasmine,  I can explain!" I tripped over my words and was starting to panic as I realized she had heard us. Jasmines face was blank as she walked over to the bed and picked something up from under it. When she came back up, she was holding a hotel uniform shirt in her hands.

"I take it that you were searching for this sweetheart?" She was speaking to the staff girl who just blushed a dark red out of embarrassment.

"Si señora, perdóname. I hadn't meant to end up in bed with him. I will be on my way now, he's an ass." The staff girl quickly took her shirt from Jasmine then fled the room.

"Yes I am well aware of that." Jasmine whispered softly after the girl as the door closed. Jasmine slowly walked to the bed and was about to sit but changed her mind and went over to the sofa.

"Hello Laurent." Her voice was sad when she said my name and I just stood there in horrified joy. She scanned the room and wrinkled her nose with annoyance.

"So you just stayed in here all day? Was she with you?" She?

"Was who with me Jasmine?" Her beautiful brown eyes darkened to nearly black with anger.

"The staff girl Laurent! Or maybe you had Aimee over as company?" I didn't even care that she was mad or that I flinched from her tone. She was here. I walked over to her, desperate to touch her and see that she was real, but when I got close enough, Jasmine flew off the couch and moved to the other side of the room.

"No Laurent, we will get distracted and end up not even talking." I didn't give two fucks.

"I don't care if we never get to talk Jasmine, all I want right now is to kiss you." Her eyes drooped slightly and her lips formed a frown.

"Laurent, we need to talk."

"Can I not just fucking appreciate the fact that you're here?! 7 fucking months Jasmine! 7! Do you understand how hard it was for me?! How lonely and lost I was?! You just up and left with only a letter saying don't look for you!" All my hurt from the last half year was starting to come up and it was getting hard to reign in my anger. I hadn't even noticed that I was gripping the side of the couch and my knuckles were turning pale. A worried expression filled her features but she stayed where she was at.

"You don't think I suffered Laurent?! Nothing hurt as worse as leaving you Laurent! But I had to damnit! I couldn't spend the rest of my life fighting voices in my head and depression from losing our babies!" Her voice broke and she clutched her chest. Tears streamed down her face and she turned away from me, taking deep breaths. All my anger left as I watched her try to stop her crying. How did something that should've been an amazing reunion turn so depressing? I already knew it was because of me but my own hurt was making me careless.

"Jasmine, I didn't mean to snap like that. Baby, I'm sorry. It's just when you left me, I didn't know how to handle it. I guess I know how it felt that day in the gazebo huh?" Her shoulders were trembling and her sobs were broken. She didn't notice me walking behind her and before she could, I wrapped my arms around her. As soon as I did, that was it. There was no hurt, there was no pain, there was only Jasmine.

_______________

Jasmine

I tried to control my crying, I told myself I wouldn't do this. I had promised myself when I got on the plane that I would be strong and wouldn't allow anything to steer me from working things out with Laurent. But tonight had been full of hoes and hurts. Should I take this as a sign and cut us off? I didn't want to but maybe we should. I was arguing with myself about all the different outcomes until I felt Laurent's arms wrap around me. I stiffened and felt my hands shake, my emotions far to raw. I could feel his breath hot on my neck from him burrowing his face into the crevice of my neck.

"I'm sorry." Two simple words yet they were so strong. Strong enough to make me forget everything of the last half hour. I turned around and just let myself be completely enveloped in his arms.

"I love you." Damn him. Damn him and everything about him.

"Are we worth this Laurent? Are we worth fighting for?" I couldn't help the question, it had just slipped out. Laurent moved his hand to softly grip my chin and gently lifted it to face him. His eyes had unshed tears in them.

"Baby, I have been fighting everyday not to drown in my own hopelessness just so I can last until you came home. I may have fucked up and messed around but no one could ever claim that they meant something to me. You are the only woman I have ever and will ever love. I want nobody but you. We have made it through so much Jasmine, why just throw it all away?!" His quieted voice had risen at the end and I cringed away.

"What's the point in our love if all it does is hurt?" My defeatist attitude was starting to show. Laurent's eyes turned from molten gold to coal.

"So should I have just stopped loving you then? Should I have taken one of the sluts I laid with as my own? Should I just have forgotten you Jasmine?! Is that what you did?! Forget me?! Huh? Is that what you were doing all this time?! Forgetting me?!" He released me from his hold and stalked away, his rage at my words taking hold of him. I watched him pace back and forth. We really were bipolar and dysfunctional.

"No, I spent all this time in rehab trying to do better for you." The words sounded empty even to me. Had I already given up on us? He stopped pacing and just stared at the wall.

"The last 7 months, I spent in a cold lonely little room hoping that strangers with degrees could help me fix my issues. I met two little boys who I clung to like a life support because I had nightmares of our twins. I picked up the phone every night to call you but hung up every time. I have a box of unsent letters with your name on them. I visited my dying mother who still on her deathbed wanted nothing to do with me. I endured countless hours of therapy just so I could come back to you a better woman! And you dare say I forgotten you?! I wasn't laying around with other men! Hell, I can't even take when a man other than you touches me because of my past. So how dare you say some bullshit like that Laurent?!" My breathing was heavy and the tears flowed like a river down my face. He still said nothing, his back to me. Everything in me just stopped. My heart, my breathing, my soul, just went still. I wiped the tears from my face and just decided no more. I was to be free and so was he.

"I see that you don't care. Fine, then we will let this be the last time we see each other. We will move on with our lives, alone." I didn't feel anything at my words, there was nothing left to feel. I went to the door and opened it only for it to be slammed shut again. Laurent's arms were on both sides of me, holding the door closed. His breathing was shallow and his voice trembled when he spoke, so did my world.

"Marry me."