Scars of our love n.h [editing]

chapter 12- the lie

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"I feel so safe around you like nothing could hurt me, normally it's the girl that feels that but I don't know, and my stomach just feels weird when I am with you I guess it's the butterflys that everyone talks about, my skin tingles when you touch me and when you smile I feel warm inside" He takes a deep breath and I just stay there frozen "when I was about to jump you were the only thing that could make me stay here and you did, I never felt something like this, I never thought I could love someone like I love you."

"N-Niall I-I " I try to start talking but I quickly stop when he grabs my hand and starts making small circles.

"wait, just let me finish, please." I gave him a small nod "You saved me and I am so sorry for what I did to you and we are so fucked up but I feel we would be perfect together and I will trow away your razors and kiss your scars and I want to make you smile and to make you feel safe, and hug you, and kiss you, I want to help you and I want you to help me, I want to be happy, happy with you."

wow.

fucking shit.

Guilt starts building in me he needs someone to love him, to take care of him, to make him happy. To do things for him that I can't do. To feel things for him that I can't feel.

My mind races at such a speed that I can't even see straight but I can see enough to notice that he is nervous about my reaction, and I am nervous too, fucking hell!

I have two options. One, I say the truth, that I don't feel anything for him and he gets his heart broken and probably he.. he you know. Two, I lie to him saying that I love him till he gets better mentally and emotionally.

Like always I do what's better for the others and worse for me. It's decided I am going make him happy, to make him feel loved even if it brings back bad memories.

So, before he starts walking away I kiss his cheek, praying that he would understand the message because kissing him on the lips would be to much for me right now.

"I know you don't feel the same way..." He starts rambling about how sorry he is and that he shouldn't have said anything.

"stop!" He stops talking and looks me in the eyes, my heart starts racing, am I doing the right thing? is it going to work? I look one more time into his eyes, they look so fragile, do hurt.

"I-I feel... the same." I say quickly, my feet looking interesting at the moment.

please don't notice I am lying.

"you do?" he asks hopefully.

I nod my head, I don't have time to think in nothing else because I feel Niall's lips in mine.

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I am sorry for not updating, I was really sick and I still am but I am doing my best to update while I am glued to the bed.

sorry for the typos I will correct them as soon as possible.

hope you like it, guida xx