Scars of our love n.h [editing]

Chapter 19- the return

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Dedication to @deniseashley because she has been super nice to me <3

Mel's POV                

I am so nervous about getting back to school, I feel like I am back on my first day of primary school with my little backpack, my parents waving at the entry, proud of their little girl.

I felt so anxious if people were going to like me or not, if I already felt like that when I was a child it is no surprise that, that feeling grew with me, and I think that on of the biggest factors that can make a person unhappy is to believe that other people don't like them, and my paranoia begun exactly in my first day of school.

"Earth to Melanie? C'mon babe don't be nervous you are going to see people you already met and they will treat you right, they are my friends and I know them by heart, they will be there to support you, ok?" I give him a small nod and look down at my feet, all by body trembling with nervousness.

"Hey! Hey! Look at me, I know that it's not easy to let people in when you've been hurt so bad in your life when you didn't deserve it at all, but see this as a new beginning a chance to start again, like when you write a book but it sucks, so you go and take a new paper and it feels so refreshing you know? And we still are in the beginning of the school year so please try to focus on classes, because I want you to pass the year okay? I want you to go to UNI, I seem like your dad talking, ah ah. Let's go!" I cringe at the mention of my dad but decide to push it away with all my strengths.

"Yeah... Let's go" We climb the small steps and we enter in school, I stop to look around, It looks exactly the same, it's strange to think that my life has changed so much but here everything is still the same, like I am the only one moving in time. I still remember the first day I entered here a while ago, the day I met Jake, Jessie and most importantly... him. Immediately a wave of sadness and melancholy runs towards me.

"Don't you dare to let the memories hit you like that, I am here ok? I won't let you fall and if someday for some galactic inexplicable reason I am not here the floor will be!" 

"You bastard! Thanks thought" Jake always knows the best way to say the right thing. We walk away laughing at each other,I am completely lost in my bubble and I end up forgetting where I am and all the worries disappear for a little bit, only to come back in a couple of seconds.

"Jake! Oh my god Mel is that you?" Jessie comes running from the other side of the hall towards us, pushing students, teachers and even Rose, the nice cleaning lady that I got to meet on the first day, she is so old but I bet that she has so much stories to tell, in the first day that I talked to her, she started to tell me things about her past, and the expression in her eyes showed that she missed those times a lot. 

I snap to reality when I feel Jake slowly shaking my arm. I slip from reality so easily.

"Hey Jessie, how are you?" I am not sure how she feels about me after all that happened and when she pulls me in a hug, I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding, it really feels good to know that I can count on her. She squeezes me so hard that I groan in pain due to my fresh cuts.

Jake notices and pushes Jessie for a hug saving me for her grip.

"Jackie boy I missed you" She hugs him again and he rolls his eyes at her but his face is one of pure adoration, they really look like brother and sister and I believe that they feel that way towards each other too. "So... are you going in the school trip? I am so excited Jake, I can't wait to eat a croissant."

People give weird looks to Jessie as she starts to pretending she is eating a croissant and after that a mime. Jake is laughing at her every moment and every sound that leaves his mouth is music to my ears. 

"hum, school trip? Jake didn't say anything to me..."

"Oh I forgot, sorry Mel. There is going to be a school trip to Paris and I was hoping you could come if you were better from your... pneumonia." A.K.A depression, paranoia, anxiety etc.

" That's cool! it's probably better if I stay at home! The pneumonia may get worse." I give a small smile to Jessie when she frowns at my answer.

"Shut up! Of course you are going to come with us, and a little bit of french air will be good for your lungs, and you also have french boys, and french food, and french fashion..."

"Jessie stop rambling" Jake covers her mouth while laughing.

A trip to Paris? Sounds fun but, I don't know... I don't have any friends besides Jake and Jessie, but on the other side I would love to see Paris and it would be good to train my photography. I have to think about it, it really makes me uncomfortable when I have big choices to make. Jake probably notices that I am over thinking because he tries to change the subject.

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It felt good to be in classes again and have a normal day, I am not one of those people that like routine because I am very spontaneous but I needed a calm day.

I maybe not  be feeling like the happiest person alive but  I am feeling good enough to keep going. I wish that everyday was like this one or better.

Jake came back home with me and I am really thankful for that, I could really use his company. His the best friend I could ask for he is always there for me, he never asks about my past, or why do I cut because he knows that I like to keep those things to myself and that's why I like Jake so much, because he respects what I feel.

I snuggle close to him in search of heat, I am cold and his body seems like a fucking radiator, I feel so good when his hands begin to touch my hair and massaging my scalp. It feels peaceful to just be here lying on the sofa watching some shitty comedy film that isn't funny at all but he laughs anyway. I close my eyes for a moment just to take in everything, this is the peace before the storm.

"Are you going to fall asleep already? " He whispers in my ear slowly, I can feel his hot breath tickling my ear, and waves of energy spread over my body as I shiver with this new feeling.

I turn around to show him that I am awake and I definitly didn't expect him to be so close to me, our lips almost touching. I look him in the eyes, they held so much emotion behind them, they have fire inside that's why they shine so much that it almost seems supernatural.

I take in a lot more of details of his face that I had never noticed before and then I notice his clenched jaw, like he was thinking hard on something and when his eyes flicker to my lips and he slowly leans in I understand why.

I turn my head around burning his actions into ashes and I can almost feel the sad expression that lingers on his face. With my back still turned to him I think of what I feel for him it's definitely love, but not the one I feel for Niall, Jake is like a brother to me, I will never be able to repay all that he's making for me, all the effort that he makes to put a smile on my face every fucking single day.

"I am sorry Jake you are an excellent person and anyone would be lucky to have you but... my heart is still with him and I think it will always be that way."

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So hey guys I hope you liked the chapter, I wanted to say thanks for being here but I feel like no one reads this story, I would like to have some feedback, should I continue? Should I delete it? Because my idea for the story wasn't nothing like this the first few chapters are absolutely horrendous, so cliche, so unreal but I have to write in order to make my writing better and some feedback would be helpful. I can't wait until this story gets really intense because right now I don't feel excited in writing this story but I will wait foe your feedback and I promise I will try to update more but my life isn't helping. 

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Hope you liked it,

Love, guida xx