Scars of our love n.h [editing]

chapter 9- Jump

I passed the last days hanging out with Jessie and Jake they are the best always there for me if I need, I now understand the reason why Niall said they were his only true friends, oh Niall.

Niall has been missing school for the last three days I can’t help to feel worried and at the same time guilty I know It’s all my fault he can’t stand my ugliness urgh, I feel tired and worthless I just wanna go home.

The day is finally over I drive home silent is screaming nothing, when I open the door immediately tears fall from my eyes I cry and scream to my pillow letting everything out. Why me? Why him? What am I supposed to do? Why am I so ugly? Why am I so worthless? Why am I so empty, fat, disgusting, gross, small, and horrendous?

I cried and screamed and eventually I blacked out. I wake up with my bely hurting from all the starving that I've been doing in the past couple of days I go to the kitchen to take two pain killers and go to my room again, when I get there I check my phone to see what time is it, it says 3:17 am and I have 7 new texts all of them from Niall.

"Hey its Niall, I am sorry could you pass by? I am not feeling very well xx (1:56 am)"

"Please,. I am sorry" (2:15 am)

"Are you ok? Why don’t you answer me?"(2:27 am)

"I need you and I am sorry!" (2:32 am)

"I am really not feeling okay, please come to mine" (2:40 am)

“Just please" (2: 55 am)

"fuck, wrong number it wasn't for you." (3:07 am)

I break in tears and I run to the bathroom and make several deep cuts on my arms, crying and sobbing I let the pain calm me down and my body starts feeling numb again, I guess for the next month I can’t show my arms, oh well I have bigger problems than that.

I look to the ground blood everywhere, as long as it mine I am okay with that. Finally I take the courage and look at myself in the mirror, bloodshot eyes, messy hair, ugly nose, ugly eyes, ugly mouth, ugly me.

I return to my room my pajama drowned in blood because I didn't care to put bandages. My phone lights up, new text from...Niall, are you fucking kidding me?

I throw my phone to the other side of the room and break into sobs again, I don’t bother to see the message, I am tired of this behavior from him, even if I deserve it, am sick and tired of it.

The curiosity gets the best of me and I use the last tiny bit of energy I have to go pick up my phone, thank god I didn’t broke him because I really don’t have money to another one.

"Those messages were for you, I am sorry, could you come over? I know it’s late but I really need you xx"

what? He was so mean to me even if I deserved it, it hurts of course I am not going, who am I kidding? Of course I am going, I am just that stupid... 

I quickly get dressed with a hoodie and sweat pants, I make a messy bun out of my hair and some TOMS don’t judge me it’s 3:45 am and I should be sleeping, not going out.

I enter in the car, I could walk but I feel more comfortable in my car at this hour of the night, music is playing in the radio and I quickly turn it off, I am not in the mood.

I pull at his drive way 7 minutes after I left it’s 3:52 now, I walk to his door and I stay there frozen should I go in? or prevent myself for being hurt and just go home?

I decide to shut my head and listen to my heart so I slowly knock on the door and for my surprise it's open.

"Niall?" I can't see him anywhere I quickly search in the rest of the house, nothing.

After a few moments I look at some red stairs like that ones you pull from the ceiling I am pretty sure they weren't here before, anyways I start climbing them expecting to see some dirty little attic but no.

What I see next takes my breath away for two reasons, first because I am in a roof where I can see all the lights of this beautiful city, London. Second because Niall is at the end of the roof with his arms open like he was going to jump. wait, what?

I try to scream his name but it comes as a whisper, I am guessing it was enough for him to hear me because he turns around facing me even if it's so dark I can see the tears on his face, running to see who gets to his lips first.

The two of us frozen in our spot. Just now I realize that I am crying hard but silently, my hands shaking and my lip trembling was he about to jump?

Niall's POV

Why do I always have to be so worthless? Why do I keep hurting everyone around me? Why does everyone around keeps hurting me? why does everything keeps me remembering of my past? Why am I so ugly? Why can't I be normal? Why doesn't anyone gives a shit about me? Why am I so fucked up?

I climb to the end of the roof trying to keep my body numb to all the emotions but I fail and break down in tears, I quickly regain my composure and open my arms like I was showing to the world how big and strong I am but I can’t fool anyone I am just a worthless piece of trash, someone that nobody wants.

I can't do anything but at least I can kill myself or am I that weak? I chuckle at my own thoughts like I went crazy, maybe I went.

I look for a sign to don't do it, to don't end with my life right here right now, after all I just have to jump, right? But nothing no sign, no life, no hope, no trust, no Melanie.

Immediately when I think in her I start crying, she is the only one that saw this side of me, the side of the broken boy, she’s a broken girl that was always there for me but I hurt her because I was afraid she was going to hurt me, I feel a feeling towards her that I never felt I don’t even know what to call it, maybe love?

"Niall..." I hear almost like a whisper, a cry.

My head snaps back and there she is, beautiful as always, with her face covered in tears. In the time that we stay frozen just looking at each other I notice her lip trembling and her hands shaking, I wonder why... oh yes she saw me ready to commit suicide.

"Niall" This time her voice is a little bit stronger but it stills a whisper.

"Don't." I cut her off my voice raspy from all the crying "ya know? I was looking for a sign to show me that this is wrong, that I deserve to stay in this world but nothing happened I guess I am just a waste of space!" I scream the last part, and she takes a step back.

"maybe I am your sign" She whispers so low that I take some time to understand what she said, my eyes widen at this idea, it makes sense.

"You are!" I scream and she looks to me like I was a psycho, I run towards her and hug her, at least tonight I won't kill myself.

I pull away and look at her beautiful eyes I look to her lips and I lean forward, her body tenses and her eyes close tightly like she was afraid, like I was disgusting, but I am sure it’s my mind playing tricks.

I rub small circles on her hips to calm her down and I finally kiss her with need, pain and tears.

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I DEDICATED THIS CHAPTER TO Imaginator1D because "after" is freaking amazing

I didn't check, so sorry if it haves any typos :c

Hey crazy mofos, how are ya? Please vote and comment? I love to read your comments and I ALWAYS answer it, anyway thanks for all the support I LOVE this chapter xx

SO FREAKING PROUD OF LOU (PICTURE OF HIM ON THE SIDE) XX