Scars of our love n.h [editing]

chapter 18- darkness

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Jake's POV

"oh...my...god, Melanie?" I whisper slowly. I am shocked, the blood in her clothes mostly in her arms and hands, her hair is all out of the place, the house is a mess, with pillows on the floor, the lamps in the ground and magazines scattered all around the floor but one thing that I will never forget it's the expression that lingers on her eyes, fear, crazy wild fear, she is so scared, so afraid.

"I am not gonna hurt you, don't be afraid of me" I say calmly to her, trying to get closer.

"Don't please." I stop in my feet. "I am not scared of you, I am scared of what you will do now that you know how fucked up I am."

"I am just going to help you, can I please do that?" She nods slowly and without one more word I hug her tightly. "I am sorry, I have to ask but did you kill someone?" I look her up and down. She smiles sadly.

"No, just my soul" She says and I kiss her forehead, I hate to hear her talking like this. I take her to the bathroom to clean her up, I see the cuts but my body is in automatic pilot, so the only thing that happens is a little tear rushing down my face I try to pull the sleeve of her white shirt, but it gets stuck. Mel cleans my tear and takes her shirt out in order for me to clean the cuts, some are so  deep.

I clean all the blood and apply some alcohol on the deeper ones, I prepare her a bath while she stays in her bed looking out of the window. I turn off the water and go look for her, she is not in her bed, I hear the door and I instantly run after her, she runs and I run, she is fast.

Suddenly she stops in front of someone's house, Niall's house.

"Babe, what are you doing?" I whisper in her hear and I cover her with my jacket because she is only on her bra.

"I don't know I had a feeling that maybe he was back, I guess I was wrong, again." 

"C'mon love the water is getting cold. Here I'll help you to get up." I put her on her feet and we walk back to her house, I close the front door and follow behind her to her room.

"Go take your shower, I promise I will be here when you finish." I say with a reassuring smile but her eyes fill with fear with the thought of being alone.

"Please stay with me, I am afraid I don't trust in myself alone." Without one more word said I enter with her in the bathroom and close the door, she stays there without moving a single muscle while looking to herself in the bathroom. "Who is this person? Look to what I've become I feel so disgusted about myself." 

"Shhh, don't say that, you are beautiful, here I'll help you take your clothes off" I know and she knows that this doesn't imply any sexual idea, she is so venerable I would never take advantage of a girl like that. I start taking her shoes and socks then her pants, finally when she is only in her underwear I wait for her to do the rest but she doesn't move so I continue, I unclasp her bra and I look to her reflection to meet her eyes looking back at me, I move to her panties and without touching her too much I pull them down, I put all clothes in the washer behind her and check if the water stills warm enough.

"Stop with that your beautiful, just look at yourself! And I am not saying this just because  you have the perfect body, You are really truly beautiful." I tell her when I see that the look of disgust still lingers in her features.

I help her sitting inside the tub and with a sponge I start washing her.

"You will have to do the rest babe" I give her the sponge and she doesn't move.

"C'mon babe, you need to react" She slowly takes the sponge and starts washing herself. I pick her shampoo, strawberry, hum she always smells like this. I put too much in her hair and start massaging her scalp and she moans slightly at my actions, I have to confess that I love the sound, she is so cute.

"Thank you for staying with me." She whispers and I just nod, tp afraid to ruin the moment.

I help her getting out of the shower and cover her in a fluffy towel, I don't want her getting a flu because of me. I seat her on the bed and go pick her clothes panties, sweater and large pants.

"Do you want help dressing up?" She nods with a tired look "Ok put your panties I am going to get something to those cuts they keep bleeding. I leave the room and after a little bit of searching I find the medecine cabinet, I decide to hide some of them because they could do more harm than good, I pick oxygnated water, healing cream and a pain killer for her.

"Here you have a glass of water and a pain killer, it will make you feel better." I clean the cuts with the oxygnated water and rub some of the healing cream on her arms and thights. I dress her carefully, open the bed and she slides inside. 

"Please stay, I-I am afraid of being by myself, I don't want to fight my daemons alone, and believe me when I tell you, there are so many, they get into my head so easily and turn everything dark, sometimes when I cut I can see little dots of light that show me that I am still alive but everything else seems like the worst nightmare that anyone could have, it hurts you know? It hurts so much that you just want to fall asleep and only wake up when everything is better, I was so stupid and I keep thinking about it, I was so stupid to not tell him I loved him, because I am too afraid of rejection, but I was the one that ended up rejecting him, and he doesn't deserve, I need him in a way that no one will never understand, I am in love with the idea of saving him but I am the one who needs saving because I am getting crazy, I see him everywhere, I am afraid it its his ghost and if he's dead? No one knows what happen to him... and it's all my fault. I DESERVE TO DIE!!" She screams the last part in tears, I don't know what to say, what to do so I just hug her and 15 minutes later she falls asleep in my arms from exhaustion.

3 weeks later.

Melanie is getting better, in the first week she didn't want to leave the house except for visiting Niall's house to see if he had come back so we just lay on the couch watching movies and It was a daily fight to get her to eat, I've explained to the school's director  that Melanie wasn't feeling great and she needed someone with her but I didn't gave him any details.

Second week I convinced her to leave the house when everyone was at school or working, so we walked on the beach and we even had a picnic, that didn't went quite well, a guy passed and I had to admit he looked a lot like Niall but I could see it wasn't him, on the other side she got up from the floor and run after her screaming his name, when she realized it wasn't him she just collapsed. 

Third week, she is preparing mentally to return to school, I've been trying to calm her, but she is so nervous, thinking about what other people will say about her, I just hope she keeps getting physically and emotionally stronger, I know school will bring a lot of memories of him but I know she can handle, at least I hope.

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I am sorry for taking one month  to upload, school is getting the best out of me :c

I hope you like it,

guidaxx