In Love With My Gay Friend (EDITING)

: ONE

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C H A P T E R

O N E

       I had been in a relationship with Kirk for nearly 2 years from now.

And I sure never knew what had happened. Whatever I had done wrong, or maybe about my imperfections and personal issues might have affected him in some ways. Though inconclusively, his reason for breaking up with me - wasn't that solid. 

I know I wasn't close to be an ideal girlfriend. I wasn't perfect - heck, who even is? Truthfully though, Kirk was always the one to commit countless of mistakes. But hey, who was I even to count on them? Everyone deserves chances. Call me stupid, but that was how I see the world. The world should be full of chances, forgiveness and a constant assurance to make this world a little less fucked up than it should be. A little faith wouldn't hurt, though it may scratch the whole reputation and hope you had been storing up for them.

Looking at me from a different and possible perspective, pretty much gave all the conclusion that I was a complete wreck.

You know what my best friends used to say, do not give your everything completely to someone. For when you do, they have all the power to completely crush you. And I'm telling you now, wish I did buy that quote from before. Saving my ass from this stupid break-up and could have saved myself too, you know? Save yourself, God damn it.

Truthfully, I couldn't actually believe what just happened. It had sunk in, really. I just couldn't completely comprehend (yet) to what my life would be after this.  Our supposed 2-year relationship simply ended in just a few words. 

"We can't be together anymore." He said. "I'm sorry."

Isn't it crazy, how someone can simply break your heart with just seven words slowly consuming every emotions there could be inside of you. And the worse part was - you couldn't fully do anything to actually stop the person from walking away. You couldn't do anything to bring back the 'us' you were trying to preserve all these times. And maybe, a part of you wanted to stop them from walking away. But also this ungrateful part of you that just didn't know exactly what to say to stop them from slowly getting away from your grasps.

I watched him as he walked away from me. I honestly tried to somehow fix the problem but it would most likely made me sound more desperate and destroyed than I already was like. And believe me my friends - I'd never been embarrassed in my entire life.

I felt the warm tears streaming down slowly on my cheeks, as if caressing me and telling me that it was fine to let it all out. Sometimes, being strong could be exasperating and you just needed a time to let it all out.

I thought that I did all I could to try to convince him, to ask him, to beg him but there was just no sense on to fixing things that had already been broken. Maybe it was a long time ago, not really sure. I was too caught up in my own fantasy that I thought that everything was going fine. It was like, trying to glue broken pieces of glass once back again. Thus, in the process, you'd only end up hurting yourself.

The cold rain started pouring. At first it was soft and slow. Leisurely. Until it progressed into a harsh one. Pouring all of the water from the sky down at me trying to wipe the tears away and mask the sadness that was painting across my whole face. As the rain grew harder and louder on the ground, I shamelessly took all of it. Because just so you know, I was a Pluviophile type of person. 

What's Pluviophile, you ask? Go search it on Google. 

I tilted my head up and let my eyes remained shut. I could feel my hair sticking around my face. My damped clothes hugged me tightly sending cold up onto my skin and spine. I must'd admit that I was freezing. Minutes passed by, I could hear my own teeth clattering.