Aftermath (Bucky Barnes)

Chapter Thirty One

Daniella's Point of View:

"Most of you knew Bucky as," I took a deep breath and looked at Steve, he nodded, wanting me too continue on.

"Most of you knew Bucky as the Winter Soldier, but I knew him as my best friend and partner, he and I were always together. He died, saving the lives of his friends, I know, if he were here, he wouldn't want anyone to be sad. He was a happy person, at least when I was around him. He told me that only good could come his was after all the bad from his past. He died a hero and I-"

I paused and looked down at his coffin, then at the crowd. A lot of people showed up, I started crying again and Steve came up and put a hand on my back.

"Bucky was a hero, even if he didn't believe it himself. All of us know that, and will never forget the amazing deeds he did for his country, and for his friends." Steve finished for me and led me down to our seats.

I was having the hardest time. Steve already lost him twice, he already has been through this.

This was the first time I lost anyone this important to me.

I couldn't stop crying, I kept feeling like he'd just wake up and come back to me. I can't believe he's gone

The rest of his funeral I was zoned out. No one talked to me, except Natasha came up and hugged me every time she could.

She was upset too because she has had a history with him.

Everyone was devastated but I felt lost and empty.

I don't even know how or what to do with my life.

We were at the grave yard where they just buried him. I was the last one here, besides Steve.

"Is this real?" I asked and Steve hugged me.

"I'm sorry." I felt nothing, I can't process this. I broke down again in Steve's arms.

~~~~

I haven't eaten, slept, all I do is drink. But I'm not even affected by alcohol anymore

I don't want to believe he's gone. I was lying in his bed, it still smelt like him.

There was a picture of us beside his bed, there was also a letter, it wasn't opened and had my name on it.

I decided to open it.

Dear Daniella,

It's been about six months since you've disappeared. I know it's my fault. I don't think I can ever forgive myself, I'm writing this, in case, one day you perhaps read it.

I can't live without you, I can't process anything, I can't eat or sleep, it's worse than anything I've ever been through, and I can't even get drunk which sucks ass. Everyone tells me I'm depressed which is probably true.

I finally went out and left the tower, I went to a coffee shop with Steve. I pretended you were here and I felt a little bit better.

My one wish is you come back, and we forgive each other and move on. I want to get married to you I love you so much and I wanted a family with you. I wanted to have kids and we'd each tell each other how much we loved one another every day, But I missed my chance. I want you to know I regret all I said and one day I swear I'll make it up to you.

I always go into your old room and it makes me happy. It smells like you in there and there are so many pictures of me on your phone, it makes me feel better to know you like me as much as I like you.

I only became an avenger because I wanted to be around you, and I haven't felt up to it at all so I don't do anything.

You're the only reason I'm in this stupid tower. It's hard learning to live without you, but my dream is one day I learn how and I'm trying to be my best for you

I will never forget you, and I love you more than anything else in this entire world. I hope one day I can tell you this to your face.

I put the letter down.

He felt the same way I do now. I put him through this before... I feel so bad now.

I decided to forget it and just look for anything else.

I went through his closet and he mostly had old clothing that had holes and in the way back of his closet were notebooks, that was everything he remembered as the Winter Soldier, I've already read those with him.

I went into his bathroom and it was a mess and smelt like his cologne.

I climbed back into his bed and tried to sleep off this pain.

But as usual, it didn't seem to work.