Impossible to Forget

Chapter 16: Oxytocin

I closed the book detailing the genin teams of the year 323.

"It has to be them. No other team from that year lost a sensei within their rookie year."

Kakashi nodded and leaned back onto the shelf behind him. "I guess that we know now what drove them insane."

I nodded slowly, "But then this brings up even more questions. What happened on that mission?"

Kakashi sighed, "There's only one person still alive who knows, and she's probably not going to share with us willingly."

I sighed as well and slowly placed the files back in their proper place in the archive room, being even more methodical than I usually would be with hands lingering over every file.

"This whole thing is just making me so frustrated. We finally find out the link between Nori, Kanaye, and Sasainako, but then we're no closer than we were before. It's just layers and layers of secrets and mysteries, and if you solve one, five more take its place. It's like a hydra, only I don't know how to burn off the stumps of its severed heads."

I stiffened slightly as I felt Kakashi step closer behind me, invading my personal space as my hands still quivered on the edge of the shelf where the file was stored.

"I do believe that while Hercules cut off the hydra's heads, his charioteer, his comrade, burned off the stumps for him before they could regrow." He placed his hand gently on my shoulder, and I trembled at the contact and tightened my hold on the shelf in front of me. Innumerable thoughts began rushing through my mind with zero rhyme or reason as I was acutely aware of every place that his hand came in contact with my Shinobi Union flak jacket and the almost surreal weight and warmth of his palm. "I'm positive that you'll figure it out."

I gave a sardonic smile as I shook my head side to side, "This isn't some sort of fairytale or myth, Kakashi. It's not just going to come magically together for me. There is just simply no way that I can put all of the pieces together when I haven't the slightest clue of what the final puzzle will look like. I'm a tactician, not a magician. I can't work miracles."

His hand gripped my shoulder, "Your mother isn't a miracle worker either. You're giving her too much credit."

"She might as well be one. How long has she had to plan this? To think out every detail? Look at all the leverage that she can use against us, and we have no leverage that we can use over her. She holds all of the cards, even more so than Kanaye."

"Is that what's bothering you, that she has had a long time to plan?"

I closed my eyes with a small laugh devoid of humor, "That's not it. I'm terrified."

"Terrified?" I could hear the worry and confusion in his voice. He took another half step even closer while his hand slid from my shoulder to my waist, "What is there to be terrified about?"

"Everything. Nori is... Nori is cunning and cruel and she's already proven that's she's not beyond killing people to get what she wants, and what she wants is you. 'I'll be back for you later, last of the Hatake line.' That's what she told us after killing Kanaye. You were Sasainako's target, you were Kanaye's target, and now you're Nori's target. Look at how much leverage there is that she could use over the two of us. Anzu for starters and I worry daily that by adopting her, I've just doomed her to an early death at the hands of my own mother. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I was the reason that she died; I would do anything to save her. And then there's everyone else in the village who you'd willingly risk your life for because you're just that kind of person. We're easy targets, sitting ducks among a field of decoys unaware of the hunter in the rushes. Every night I think about every way that she could harm, kill, kidnap, or ruin someone that we love, but for some cause that I don't even know about. So yes, Kashi, I'm terrified."

Both of his arms wrapped around my stomach as Kakashi pulled me to him. I stiffened at the sudden invasion of my personal space, but I quickly relaxed and leaned back into him, the back of my head resting against his shoulder.

"Kai... I can't promise you that I'll always protect you because I've failed that particular oath too many times in the past. Just look at my two teams... But I can promise you that anything you need, just say it. I- I just want you to know that you're not alone in this."

I place my hands on top of his, "I'll remember that. Thank you."

I relaxed fully, more than I could remember in recent history. I hadn't felt this at peace since I had made up my mind to adopt Anzu so I turned my head to rest my face in the crook of his neck. I really don't know what compelled me to step past our usual boundaries so fully, whether it was my brain relishing the oxytocin generated by physical contact, a need for comfort and reassurance in my time of emotional turmoil, or something more, that was one thing that I didn't want to think about. Our relationship was friendly and comfortable, more than I could say about most of my other interactions with humans. Another thing I was terrified of: change. When you hated and avoided someone for twenty-five years, you tend to tread more lightly around them just in case. At this point, I couldn't go back to just not talking to Kakashi again; we were too close.

A/N: I don't know if the ninja world would have Greek myths, in fact, I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't. However, the allusion to the hydra was just too perfect, and I had to include it.