Impossible to Forget

Chapter 23: Riddled

The group fell into a comfortable rhythm. We were jogging, but the pace was one that I could easily keep even with my replaced hip and years of sitting at a desk. A squad of four ANBU agents traveled with us; one behind, one in front, and one to either side. But they were completely silent and kept to the cover of the trees at all times so that it was almost possible to forget that they were even there.

"How is your hip doing at this pace? We can always slow down, you know. They won't be too surprised if I'm late."

I shook my head, "I told you already, Kakashi, I'm fine. In fact, I'm better than fine. I haven't felt this alive since I was a chunin, and that was a really long time ago. The sad thing is that this isn't even a real mission."

"I think that this counts as a real mission, and I'm the Hokage so really it's up to me to decide ."

I gave a quick smile, "Thanks."

His eyes curved upwards into a smile that made his entire mask shift before Kakashi turned his gaze back to the path ahead.

My heart was lodged in my throat and beating so quickly that I almost felt like a bird of some kind. For some reason, my nerves must have really been getting to me even though we were only a half a day's journey from the village.

After several more hours of running, Kakashi raised his hand in a signal, and the whole party stopped to begin setting up camp.

"You know, you don't have to take it easy on my account. I can easily go several more hours." Frankly, I was feeling a little offended. For god's sake, I'm not a cripple anymore, and I certainly didn't want to be treated like one.

Kakashi raised a hand in a placating gesture, "No, it's nothing like that. In fact, we're ahead of schedule so we might as well take a bit of time and rest tonight. No one's fatigued, but it's better to not exert yourself more than necessary."

"That last bit seems to sum you up pretty perfectly."

I gave a light laugh and plopped myself down on the ground next to him. My aim was a little off so I ended up in his personal space, but it didn't seem like it was worth the effort to move over.

A plastic bag was unceremoniously plopped into my lap and after tearing it open, I found that was staring at a single-meal sized portion of jerky.

"I'm sorry that mission rations are still as dull as they used to be."

I shrugged, "The packaging is a lot snazzier now, though. And besides, this really would just feel like just a diplomatic envoy and not a mission if we had something else."

It was chewy and tasteless, but man did it bring me back. It was like a little mouthful of nostalgia in beef form.

My thoughts drifted away to sitting by a campfire, petting Yokoito, and arguing with Sadao while Benjirou-sensei sat off to the side looking tired. I thought back to a solo mission that I had as a chunin. The Third Great Ninja War was in full swing as I sat outside an enemy hideout, monitoring it for days with nothing to sustain me but two canteens of water and a couple of rations packets. I thought about another war, the Fourth Great Ninja War, and sitting with my new comrades from the other five great ninja villages, eating and laughing with them only to watch most of them die the next day while we fought White Zetsu and reanimated ninja on the coast.

"...what you were saying."

I blinked rapidly and realized that Kakashi had been talking to me.

"I'm sorry, but could you repeat that? I was just, uh, lost in thought for a moment there."

Kakashi smiled, "I was just saying that I've been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday."

What was it that I had said yesterday? Oh no, please don't tell me that he was talking about my existential blabbering.

"Thinking about it, really?"

"Yeah, well, what you said about nothing lasting; I don't really think that that's important."

"How so?"

He sighed and ran his fingers through his unruly, grey hair, "It doesn't really matter if nothing is permanent if you live in the present. I spent too much of my life living in the past, unable to move on. But at the same time, living too much for the future might be a bad thing as well because things never seem to go exactly as planned." This was getting way deeper than I had anticipated. "I guess that what I'm trying to say is that even though everyone will die eventually like you had said, it's worth it to find the people that you care about."

He looked over at me nervously and expectantly, and I got the feeling that there was an unsaid layer of meaning to his declaration, but for the life of me I had absolutely no clue of what it could be.

"Is this a riddle?"

"What? No, of course not."

I narrowed my eyes slightly at his indignant reply, "If it's not a riddle, then just come out and say exactly what you mean. I'm not a mind reader, you know."

His face turned paper white. "Never mind that I said anything. It's nothing. I'll see you in the morning."

He stood up and turned to his pack, pulled out his bedroll, placed it on the ground, and promptly laid down with his back to me.

I was just really confused. Really, painfully confused and kind of hurt by how coldly he had ended our conversation. Did I say something that had offended him? I honestly didn't know.

With a sigh, I pulled out my bedroll as well and tried in earnest to get some sleep, but I spent the whole night going over every single word of our conversation, trying to pick out the hidden message but failing miserably.