Impossible to Forget

Chapter 21: The Rant

I was only there physically, not mentally. And Jukouro and Sadao could tell. They stopped trying to get me involved in the conversation as I swirled the tea in my cup. What can I say? I've been in a very contemplative mood recently.

Part of my mind was following along with their conversation even if I wasn't really the slightest bit interested. They had talked about politics, new training regimens, how Jukouro's new team was progressing, and now they had moved on to ninja summons.

"You know, the species itself doesn't have to be all rare and special to be a powerful ally in battle. I mean, slugs and toads aren't usually considered overly scary. But between Naruto, Sakura, and Lady Tsunade, you don't want to get into a tussle with one of their summoners."

Sadao rolled his eyes, "Yes, but they're not normal slugs and toads. I'd be wary to fight anything if it was larger than a house."

Jukouro shrugged, "Kaiyo, do you have any summons?"

I glanced up from my tea for a moment, "No."

Sadao scoffed, "Of course."

That got my attention.

"I'm not quite sure what you're implying. Just because I've dedicated myself to strategy and taijutsu that doesn't make me any less of a ninja."

"Exactly," Jukouro nodded, "you really only need one summoner per team, and I'd always take a good strategist over someone with fancy looking animals at their beck and call."

Sadao's eyes narrowed slightly. "Being an Inuzuka, I can see why you undervalue summons so much since you always have a ninja hound attached to your hip. But then again, I haven't seen your little lapdog in quite a while. What was his name again? Oh yeah, Yokoito. Where's your little puppy?"

Jukouro's face fell, and I was so mad at Sadao for being insensitive that I wanted to punch him.

"Dead."

The table fell silent.

"It was all my fault. I led the two of us into an ambush. Yokoito took a blow for me, and I couldn't get him back to the village in time. I could never bring myself to replace him."

Despite my dislike of physical contact, I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm really sorry."

Sadao, on the other hand, let out mirthless laughter.

"Oh is poor Jukouro going to cry? Acting like the world is over because you lost your precious pooch?"

Something inside me snapped.

"What the hell is wrong with you? How can you live with yourself after you say shit like that? Being a ninja is a damn bloody business, but you have zero right to laugh at the losses of others."

Jukouro put a hand on my arm, "Kaiyo, just calm down. It's not worth it."

"Like hell it's not worth it. What right does he have to belittle your loss like that? If you're going to insist on being such a saint then I'm going to get pissed off for you."

"What right? This wimp is moping over a pet. Try being left for dead in the middle of hostile territory. Try crawling all the way back to your precious village only to be treated like untrustworthy scum. Try that and tell me if sympathy still runs through your veins."

I stood up and banged my fist on the table, the chair screeching across the floor as it was pushed behind me.

"Oh woe is you! Here let me take out my tiny violin and play a soundtrack to your struggles. Life is full of shit, deal with it. It gives you no right to judge who's trials were worse, who's endured more hardships, who deserves the most sympathy. You're a grown ass man for god's sake so act like one! This is a freaking ninja village. Do you want to talk about torture? I can talk to you about torture. Do you want to talk to me about near death experiences because I can talk to you about near death experiences. Do you want to talk about crippling injuries? Guess what, I'm also pretty well versed in that topic as well. Do you want to talk about losing everyone that you love in two years time while as a young child because I can talk about that too. And that's just my life, and as far as a shinobi's life goes, it could be way worse. The people that I know with the greatest struggles never breathe a word of it. In fact, if I had to choose one, I'd pick being left for dead over losing a lifelong companion. At least your ordeal only lasted a year. And when it comes to the village not trusting you, that was freaking protocol for agents who have gone out of contact for more than a year's time. Naruto was shunned and hated for at least the first twelve years of his life. He had no parents, no friends, and the closest thing that he had to a family was a single person who'd occasionally give him free ramen. You'll never hear Naruto complain once. So you know what, grow a pair and shut the fuck up." I pulled a random bill out of my pocket and slammed it on the table. "Keep the change; I'm done here." The server hovering near us just nodded mutely. "Oh and by the way, I leave tomorrow to go to the Five Kage Summit with Kakashi so I won't be able to make lunch next week."

Every head in the small tea shop turned to watch me leave, but I couldn't bring myself to care. That rant felt so good coming out.

...So much for letting go of past hatred, though.