Done For You (Black Veil Brides/Legion of the Black)

13. Let You Down

I only got a few hours sleep the night of the raid. Between the late night writing session, the anxiety over the raid and my mind's inability to stop thinking about the kiss I'd shared with Andy, I'd found it difficult to sleep deeply, or for long. I was still finding it a little difficult to believe it had actually happened.

I couldn't stay in bed for long to ponder Andy's motives; I had to get moving. I washed quickly and pulled my hair into a messy braid. I pulled on a black tank top decorated with the Legion's skull in white, a pair of black skinny jeans ripped at the knees and my combat boots. I shrugged my leather jacket on and tied a bandana around my neck.

I ate breakfast with Amber and Ashley, but I wasn't able to stomach most of it. The general feeling of everyone participating in the raid seemed to be nerves. Ash tried to keep the conversation light-hearted, but I wasn't able to pay much attention. I was hoping to catch Andy before we left, to straighten out what had happened last night, or early this morning, depending how you looked at it. But, he never showed up.

I accidentally interrupted Ashley midsentence, to ask him if he knew where our missing leader had gotten to. He told me he'd seen him he up to the surface about half an hour ago. I thanked him and dumped my dishes and my half eaten breakfast in the kitchen.

Andy stood, as promised, in the middle of the camp on the surface. He was facing away from me, watching the sun rise over the horizon.
'It's a beautiful morning,' I noted, strolling over to stand next to him. He turned his head, in surprise, fracturing the stillness of the desert. There was a vague smile on his lips, and silence fell over us. I opened my mouth to speak again, but Andy beat me to it.
'I'm sorry about last night. It was inappropriate, and I should have been honest enough to explain to you, so I'm going to now.' My heart started to sink. I had a feeling I knew what was coming next. 'I've been lonely since things ended with Juliet, and my emotions got the best of me.'

I swallowed a sob. He was ending things before they'd even begun. I'd let myself hope, and now I felt like an idiot. Of course, he didn't feel the same. Why would he? He'd obviously just felt like someone understood him, and reacted in a way that didn't actually reflect the way he felt. I could feel his beautiful, blue eyes watching me, trying to gauge a reaction.
'So that kiss meant nothing?' I asked, barely above a whisper. His gaze shifted from my face to his boots. Five minutes passed without him answering. I furiously rubbed at a traitorous tear, spilling down my cheek, before I spoke again.
'Well, it meant something to me, Andy. It meant a lot to me. I've had feelings for you since before I was with Ashley. So if this is you being noble or some crap, then you can stop.'

The words hung between us, heavy in the air. Even with my nerves surrounding what I'd just confessed, it felt good to finally be honest about how I felt. Even with the hope that Andy had just been trying to be honourable, I was still surprised by his response.
'Of course it meant something, Raven. But have responsibilities. And I can't afford to be distracted from our mission right now. I'm sorry,' he added. Something in his words made me angry.
'You're allowed to be selfish sometimes, Andy! The Legion would prefer their leader to be happy, than miserable. Your responsibilities didn't matter when you were so taken with Juliet.' It was a low blow, but I was too angry to care. 'Stop being so bloody selfless,' I grumbled, kicking a stone with the toe of my boot.

'Raven, I'm the leader. I have to be selfless. Placing Juliet ahead of my responsibilities was a mistake. It impaired my judgement. I've learnt from that,' he concluded.
'Of course you have.' I crossed my arms.
'Raven...'
'Andy, just... You know that the Legion would prefer you to be happy.' The anger from a moment ago had left my body, and all I felt now was dejection. I began to walk away from him, back towards the silo.
'Raven...' I didn't bother to turn.