Love, Scarlett | WATQ WINNER

➵ dear mom

Dear Mom,

I want you to know that all of it, all of whatever happened was never your fault. And it never could be.

You are the one person throughout my life that was by my side no matter what, no matter how bad the storm was or how bad those waves were that were trying to knock me out.

And I'm forever grateful to you for that. For everything, really. I wouldn't have become what I am, or achieved all those things I did if it wasn't for you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that please don't blame yourself ever. It isn't and will never be your mistake. Dad isn't your mistake too.

And I'm so sorry I couldn't be the best daughter you should have had, because you deserved that at least from me. I'm so sorry I can't be there for you when you will need me the most.

God, I wanted to tell you everything. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and tell you. This guilt was eating me alive everyday. Everyday this vortex in my chest grew a little and then some more, and I was afraid that if I confronted it, it will consume me that very second.

But I suppose it was a lost battle since the start.

Do you remember the day I first came home with my first prize from the dance competition? You were so happy. Even dad was.

And that was probably the last time that anyone was ever completely happy in the house.

Things just went downhill so fast after that, and this is the culmination I suppose. It ends with me, like a snowball hitting the base of a hill and shattering.

I really cannot express how much I love you.

And I hope you might forgive me some day. And know that I'll always be with you, no matter what, just like you were there for me. I'm sorry.

Love,
Scarlett