Love, Scarlett | WATQ WINNER

➵ dear me

Dear Me,

I don't know what to say or write. But I suppose I can write all the things I have always been afraid to admit.

I'm not really fond of myself. I put everyone else's wants first just so that I can get approval, so people accept me and make me feel like I'm one of them. I know what my status in school is and really to be honest, I didn't care, because I was off to a great college and have an amazing life.

But I suppose life doesn't always give what you want, right? I have no idea what I did to deserve this. I felt so disgusting and unclean with myself, and the sad part is that I still do. I can't live with myself anymore.

And even though I know none of this my fault, I can't help but think that maybe if I had stood up more for myself, said no when someone asked me favour that I didn't want to do, maybe I would have been able to escape this.

I really don't have the strength to go on anymore. There is nothing left for me. My family is together just for the sake of being a family, my dad hasn't even looked at me once in the past seven months when he is sober, the only girl that I actually considered my friend betrayed me in the worst way possible.

And Rhett, oh him. I can't stop my heart from breaking everytime I think about him. I ask myself every night, what did I do wrong?

I feel I can never ever recover from this incidence. I will just be a burden on everyone, a girl who couldn't get back on her two feet after a setback in life. I know no one is going to take my assault seriously. I have tried, and I have seen and read about various cases. Maybe if I die, maybe that will catch their attention.

I guess I'll never know now.

I don't know what to do. I have no one to turn to, and I possibly cannot burden my mom with anything else, especially something that is related to me and I have the power to tell her or not.

I'm so scared, so scared about what I'm going to do. But I cannot and will not look down, it's for the best after all.

I don't have anything to live for, but I don't think I can forgive myself.

Love,
Scarlett