Love, Scarlett | WATQ WINNER

➵ dear rhett

Dear Rhett,

I have no idea what to write or why I'm even writing to you. But I suppose I'm writing to you in the hopes of getting over all, or at least a little of the anger and pity and regret I feel towards you.

I'm angry at you, I can't even start to explain. I fucking trusted you, and you took my trust, broke it into little sharp shards, and made me walk over them. Only you knew what I was going through, you were the only person I told about my parents. And this is how you repay me back? You are honestly the most disgusting and disappointing guy I've ever had the misfortune to meet. You know if someone would've told me that you were going to betray me, or hurt me, I would have punched them straight in their face. But I guess I was wrong, you did turn out to be my biggest mistake.

Yes Rhett, I also pity you. Apart from the mountain of anger, I pity you. Because you can't even control what you do, you can't decide for yourself, you live your life on other's terms. And if that isn't the saddest thing, I don't know what is.

Do you remember our first date? The one where you took me to the fair? That was the happiest day of my life, to be away from the hell which I'm forced to call my home, to be with you all day long, laughing till our stomachs hurt, eating until we couldn't any more. I have to admit, I loved our dates, because that was probably the only time I saw you actually being yourself. There was no one to influence you, and that was my favourite version of you.

But things changed, you changed. I should've asked you at the start of it all only, but I didn't. You were spaced out and distant even when you were with me, you never told me anything any more. Days spent with you started feeling like I was sitting with a stranger, but I was too weak to leave you.

And then one day, well, you snapped.

I wasn't that hurt about what you both did to me, that was physical. Physical wounds heal, but emotional wounds scar you and make you dysfunctional. They never really completely heal, and are omnipresent, you can never forget them completely. I was battered and bruised, Rhett, and you never said a word to me after that night. I roamed the halls, clutching my chest, flinching every time someone came near me. I became this ghost of myself because of you Rhett, just you. And you didn't care at all, you never spared me even a single glance.

When I lay in bed at night, not able to sleep, I wondered if you ever loved me, or it was all just a ruse. I guess I'll never know now.

I love you Rhett, I still do. Because I guess if you really love someone, no matter what happens a part of you always does, even if they don't want to. You were my first everything, first love, first kiss, even my first heartbreak. Oh how I wish the last one wasn't true. You made me feel like heaven in the short period of time we had together, and for that I do thank you.

However, forgiveness is for those who ask for it, but I don't think you would ever ask. And this? This is for my own peace of mind. When I leave this world, I want to take nothing with me, not even your burden.

So, even if I don't want to, and I'd very much like to do to you what you did to me, I don't think I've strength enough left to do it. And this is the next best thing.

I forgive you Rhett, not because you deserve it, but because I need it.
Goodbye.

Love,
Scarlett