Deceived

The Conflicts

MARCH...

March was the worst month for me. I faced many problems and I couldn't handle it. 

"It's just a bad day, not a bad life" 

The quote says it all. I regret for doing things that I shouldn't be doing but, I realize if I didn't, I won't be able to learn from my mistakes. Everything back then pretty much sucks. I had this terrible fight with Frederick. I didn't know that he was this jealous-over-protective-over-controlling kind of guy. 

It was once, well not really once. It was more than once. I went out to the mall and hang out with Bryan. We watched movies and stuff like every normal teenagers do. I mean, I'm close with Bryan that time and we kinda accidentally, hold hands and we cuddle at the movies. 

I had feelings for Bryan so I was really utterly excited and nervous at the same time when he held hands with me. I didn't even realized how quick we interlock our fingers. 

Just.Like.That

It felt weird though, holding hands with Bryan. I mean, I have a boyfriend. I shouldn't be holding hands with some other guy. Not just some other guy, Bryan is Frederick's friend. We shouldn't be doing those stuff. It's forbidden. But yet, we did. *sigh*

I like the feeling that I had when I held hands with him. It was unexplainable and it was an awesome feeling. I didn't want to let go. It was the first time we held hands. I was.. happy. 

Until... Frederick found out about me and Bryan, holding hands together at the mall. It was chaos. Frederick was so mad at me. He was really angry and he didn't talked to me for two damn weeks. 

TWO DAMN WEEKS...

I felt guilty and I never intended to hurt him like that. Frederick was really hurt. He didn't respond to any of my texts and calls. He completely ingnored me for the entire two weeks. I did something wrong. I think everything was wrong. What I did with Bryan, is really hard to forgive. We shouldn't do such things. I kinda regretted it but...

But, I had feelings for Bryan and I did nothing to stop what we were doing because it felt so good. I made a mistake. Even though I didn't have feelings for Frederick but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. 

For two weeks I had been trying to apologize to Frederick for what I've done. I hated the fact that he didn't want to listen to what I had to say and he blamed it all on Bryan. It wasn't entirely Bryan's fault. It was my fault too. 

Frederick then eventually forgave me. But on one condition, I should not talk to Bryan anymore. I was glad that Frederick forgave me but I was mad at him because he forbid me from talking to Bryan. Which means I can't talk to him anymore unless I'm single. I couldn't accept the condition at first but eventually I accepted it with an open heart. 

The decision that I took was far more worst. I can't talk to Bryan at all. Not even texting or calling or even go hang out together. I can't talk to any other guys either. I didn't talked to Bryan for three months. It was like hell for me because I can't talk to him. I missed him so much. 

I was in despair. It felt like I lost almost everything in my life. I felt like I was stranded on an island far away with no one to talk to. I felt alone. I was not happy with Frederick. I was not happy in the relationship. It was more like relationshit. 

Everything was so misrable back then. With the conflict that I had, I couldn't focus in class or at school because I kept on thinking about what had happened and how to fix it back to where it was. I lost him. I lost Bryan. But, I had to choose between the two of them. I can't lose both. I chose Frederick because I was guilty as his girlfriend. Although I didn't have feelings for him, I need to choose him.