Deceived

Three weeks missing

After our last hangout, Bryan went missing for three weeks. I didn't expect that what he told me, was actually happening. I remember exactly what he said to me.
We were outside of the mall, waiting for my dad to pick me up as always. He stood beside me while he was busy, typing and focusing on his phone. I knew that he was texting with the girl. I was hoping that my dad would pick me up earlier on that day but sadly, he picked me up 30 minutes later.

I glanced to my left and right, as the cars drove by and people were entering the mall. I checked my phone, in case if my dad missed called me but there was none.

"Your dad's not here yet?" Bryan said as he was still busy texting.

"No. I told him to pick me up at 4 but now it's like 4:30, so..."

"He'll be here anytime soon. Besides, I'm here with you. You don't have to worry about being alone", He smiled.

"Yeah", I smiled

"Oh, one more thing. I'll be MIA for three weeks so don't look for me or anything because I will be busy with you know, stuff" I thought he was joking about it turns out, he was not.

"Oh really? Fine. I'm not going to find you anyways", I glared.

"Are you sure?", He cocked his eyebrow.

"I'm sure", I lied. I will look for him. Tiny bits of me will always look for him no matter what. I don't know what makes me want to find him all the time. There's just something about him that attracts me.

*************************************

Week one

It was Monday and I was, as usual expecting some sort of a text message or missed calls from him. It was in the afternoon, the time when he usually texts me but that day was different. No text at all. Not even one.

"How could that be?" I muttered as I stared at my phone, waiting for his text. But sadly, no messages at all.

It was almost midnight and I gave up waiting for him. I went to bed, still thinking about him.

*************************************

Week Two

A week without him had passed. It didn't bothered me that much, but that would be a lie if I say I wasn't thinking about him. I was thinking about him all the time and I couldn't understand what was happening.

I felt different. I started to realize that everything my instinct kept on telling me before was actually true, and I denied it. Every single time.

It was then coming to my senses that he was just using me. Why didn't I realized that before? Why did I let him touch me and used me for his own pleasure?

I was in denial. That was what I thought about the whole time.

Deny

Deny

Deny

He's not using me

Deny

He will text me

He will call me

Eventually

Deny

Probably not. I should've seen this coming but I was madly, deeply in love with him. I guess he realized how much I like him and he took advantage of my feelings towards him.

I was sad, angry, worried and curious all at once. He didn't even bothered to text me that week. Not even once. I was still hoping...

*************************************

Week Three

It was empty. My inbox, my mind and my heart.

"Where is he?" I thought. I was still hoping he would text me. Why can't I just give up my feelings for him?

I went on twitter to check my friends' tweets and maybe I thought, I would stalk him.

So I did. I stalked him. Nothing much in the first few tweets then suddenly, a dark cloud came. I saw his tweets, with this girl. I scrolled.

@bryan Heyyy :)

The girl tweeted him. That was how their conversation started. It was a very long conversation. Inside jokes and stuff, and the things that Bryan said to me. The EXACT same thing. This guy is ridiculous.

@bryan how are you?

The "how are you" tweet. It was getting far ahead. They talked about their last hang out and how much fun they had together, watching movies.

"What the fuck?" I was angry at him. But why would I be angry at him? I'd tell you why. He didn't fucking talk to me after we hung out. He didn't text me for almost three weeks and now he's talking with some other girl that is younger than him? (Well not that young. She's 15)

Okay, I have to admit. I was jealous. I don't know if I should feel that way because I know my mind is telling me that he's not worth it but my heart...

Then I scrolled again. Reading their tweets. 

I just kept on scrolling and scrolling...

and.. scrolling 

I felt betrayed, lost, confused and deceived... 

How can I be so blind? Well love makes everyone blind. Blinded by love... 

I signed out of twitter and I paused for awhile, eyes on the computer, with the home page of twitter on the screen. I was hurting deep inside and as stupid as it sounds, I was indeed well played by him. I don't know why I let him do those things to me but I felt my dignity just went from infinity to zero, and I started to regret every second I spent with him. 

I hate to admit this, but I cried that night, not so much but tears streaming down my cheeks and I could not contain the feeling of anger towards him... but it was too late I guess, I can't undo the past. My mind kept saying that it was my fault, which indeed it was. I was hopelessly devoted to him with all my heart and soul.. and the funny thing was, I never felt this way about anyone ever. Not even Jonah my ex-boyfriend but HIM. The guy that is not my boyfriend nor friend but someone who just wants to take advantage of me and touch me...