Insecurities

Prologue

Baileys POV:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

     Walking down these halls is tormenting and much, much worse than traumatizing. Sure I'm the same age as my classmates, I have the same accent as a lot of them, and I'm the same sex as a good number of them, but I'll be different no matter what we have in common. I don't have friends, nobody was jumping at the chance to talk to me or look in my direction unless it's negative. My peers are like Mountain Lions, extremely territorial rarely venturing out into the unknown because that leaves them out in the open with no protection. Worst of all though their teeth are always on display and monstrous snarls erupted out of them whenever someone threatens the comfortable. I'm a easy target always vulnerable and pathetically gullible. My eyes are too wide and bright to see the bad in people. I have grown up with most of the people who harass me, I even carry around playground memories from elementary school but now a days people don't play with brightly colored buckets and shovels collecting sand to build a castle guarded by a dragon protecting a beautiful princess. Nope, now they play with back stabbing and rumors all in the pursuit of fun and/or revenge. I imagine classmates cringe at the thought of ever wanting me to play on their team or waving me over to sit beside them in the cafeteria. I'm all to easy to throw away, memories of me could be easily wiped clean for their memory bank. 

     Kyle and Harry had been my friends way back when a disagreement could be solved simply by sharing your crayons but we went in different directions by the time secondary school rolled around. Kyle is popular that is evident but certainly not as well liked as Harry and that doesn't sit well with Kyle because he is always able to convince Harold to pull some sort of antics which Harry always took the blame for because he was noble - At least that's what I think. - Harry is the type of guy you fawn over. You could imagine him on a white stallion with a suit of armor that reflects your beauty through his eyes, not a single fault as he offers you his hand longingly ready to hoist you onto the back and ride of into the sun. And me, I'm just Bailey .

     I'm the girl who eats lunch with her English professor and tries to find some connection with him that I long to have with my classmates where conversation comes easily and laughter is always surrounding us. I want to be able to have no care in the world. I don't want to have to hold my breath as I walk down the halls or to worry about being tripped. I see the sympathy in the adults eyes and I want to be able to make it go away with a wave of my hand. I want to be able to do so much but my insecurities hold me back and that's just the way that it goes. Not  only with me but with a lot of people across the globe. You can wish all that you like to have the life that you want but you have to be a go getter to get to happiness. I am no go getter I'm a person who looks in whilst other people achieve their dreams. For the most part I'm okay with that and I wish them the best but I would love to finally be able to walk out of my home and feel like that day is going to be a good day. But alas I highly doubt that that'll ever happen. 

     I know what I want and I'm sure that if you've ever passed me on the street and took the time to notice me than you'd also be able to see my deepest wants. The ones that I try to hide by shielding myself with books and my glasses but they're to noticeable. You'd probably look and me and judge me first and foremost, deciding silently in your head all that is wrong with me and believe me I do that to myself as well. I know what I like and I know what I don't but I would need a boat load of confidence to be able to dress that way.