Insecurities

Chapter Twelve

Baileys POV:

     "So do I get to see the pictures?" Louis asks trying to grab the white envelope out of my hand. Holding it behind my back I shake my head. Nobody but my dad and I have seen these pictures and I want to keep it that way. Thinking about the pictures that I took that my dad hasn't seen I feel a nervous butterfly flutter around in my stomach. I took a picture of the hotel that we stayed at during one of his business trips, that was the weekend that he gave me my camera. 

"One day Miss Rowlend I will see those pictures." He says moving close to me. My hair wraps around his finger as he moves it away from my face. He's so close to me that I'm sure that he's going to notice the change in my breathing. My mind wanders to how his lips would feel against my own and how he would taste. I can basically feel his lips upon my own and I know  that he knows that I'm thinking about kissing him. His eyes are shining bright and his lips are curled up at the ends and my heart is pounding in my rib cage. I want to lean in, I really do but there are far too many things stopping me. 

"I think it's time that we get going." Avoiding eye contact I step back regaining the space that he filled. Looking down at my watch I try to think about what to do next. I have to go to the post office still and ship this home but I don't know if Louis will want to go home and I find myself wanting him to go but stay at the same time. 

"Do you want me to drop you off at your place?" I ask for the second time today as we make our way to my car bags in tow while I wait for his answer I think about what I'm going to write in my fathers card because a simple 'Happy Birthday' doesn't seem suitable. Opening the boot I place my items in and I still haven't received an answer to my question. 

"Erm, do you mind if I crash on your couch?" He asks bringing his hand up to his neck to play with the baby hairs framing his well kept mane. I feel my heart flutter in my chest because I know for a fact that if I looked the way that I did before all of his kindness wouldn't even be offered and I feel bitterness consume all of the happiness that I felt moments earlier. Nodding my nodding my head twice I agree to take him back to his place to pick up the things that he needs. The whole drive I think about home and I wonder how my dad's holding up. 

     If my mother wasn't such a bitch he wouldn't be alone, but if my mum cared abut anyone else's happiness she wouldn't have run away with my fathers assistant. The man, John Mathison was born into a wealthy family and my mum likes money, maybe even a little too much. I guess she thought she struck gold when she met my dad but as soon as she found out how much John has in his back account she couldn't stop herself from sinking her disgusting claws into him. Her and I never had a close relationship unlike my father and I. I can always turn to him whenever I am in need of encouraging words or just to talk about whatever book he's reading. He was the reason I believed that he introduced me to could actually be out here in the real world but now I'm convinced that he's the only good guy walking the earth. Looking over the steering wheel I try to remember how to get to Louis flat. 

"Do I turn left or right here?" I question squinting completely blanking out.

"Keep going straight." He says laughing. On the way to his place yesterday I was so caught up in my thoughts that I wasn't able to completely pay attention to the road and last night Louis drove. Nodding I follow his instructions tapping my fingers along to the music playing on the radio.

"What do you want to do with your life?" Louis questions and I take a moment to ponder on the thought that it's because his song just came on and that it's some sort of superiority thing.

"I want to be a social worker." On the telly I always see TV shows where foster children are being mistreated and the mere thought of it makes my heart contract. I'm blesses with being born into the family that I'm a part of and the majority of people my age don't get to say that and I've made it my own personal mission to make sure that kids don't have to endure more than they already are. He looks over at me but stays silent and I expect him to ask me questions but all that he does is smile and it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable clearing my throat I hope to pull him out whatever daze he's in but it's no use. It's like the smile is painted onto his face. Arriving at our destination I silently trail behind his to his flat. The energy between us is odd and I'm not quiet sure what emotion is being emitted, it's on the tip on my tongue and I can basically taste the answer but it flees whenever I'm close to discovery. 

"Are you sure you want to come in, I don't know if Harry will be in." He says and I feel my hatred swim around inside of me. For the first time since yesterday his name has been mentioned and with it comes the same emotion it brings.

"It's better than sitting outside alone." I say simply shutting his door behind me and making my way to the living room. I watch as Louis disappears down the hallway and I use this time to snoop around. There are a mixture of pictures from both of the inhibitors some of which I recognize from the room back in the day. Picking one up it's one of Harry and his family smiling in front of their house but that isn't what catches my eye. A few houses down you can make out the frame of a girl, of me entering my old house. 

"That's one of my favorite." I hear someone say and I swing around picture in hand to see Harry at the doorway. Moving my eyes back to the picture I can see why, they all look so happy and carefree. Gemma has her arm draped around her younger brothers shoulder and Anne is looking at her children happily. It's easy to tell that the whole is blessed with good looks and I try and put it back down the same way it was when I arrived trying to make it look like it' never been touched. I can feel Harrys eyes on me and I'm sure that he wants to ask my why I'm here but Louis enters the room before the words can leave his plump lips. Harrys eyes drop and there's an obvious change in the air and the tension is at an all time high. 

"Ready?" I ask wanting to leave before conflict rises up to disturb everything. As much as I want to yell and curse at Harry he's the only person in my life - Well, not in in my life. - who knows the original me and every time I'm around him I'm pulled back into my old shy ways. Louis takes a glance at his band mate who's eyes are still starring at his feet before making his way to the door without a word and I quickly make my way after him allowing myself to take in the image of the boy. I kind of feel sympathetic for him but all of that is over ruled by the never ending happiness I feel from the pain he feels. It was a molecule of what I felt and the steady progression of emotion will surely ripe him apart in no time. 

     Tossing Louis my car keys planning to go to the post office tomorrow. As soon as we both are buckled up he turns the music up to an uncomfortable volume and I place my favorite CD by The Cab bopping my head along not expecting a conversation. For most of the drive the air around us is cold and Louis grip on the steering wheel is deadly. Turning the music down I look at him and his eyes shift to me for a moment. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" I try not really sure if I'm going to get a reply out of him and I don't want to push and have him close himself off. 

"You think you know a person and you move in with them and then you find out the skeletons in their closet and you don't know how to handle the information." He says slamming his hand down onto the wheel. I wince at the words the boy spoke to me and as glad as I am that Harry's in pain Louis shouldn't be. 

"He didn't have the greatest friends back then, they always convinced him to do stupid things like that." I state hoping that my words will calm him down a bit but he only looks at me like I've grown an extra head. 

"That doesn't excuse his action! Why are you defending him?" Louis barks fixating his furious eyes bock onto the road. 

"I'm over it." I say shrugging, lying so easily and I hear his scuff.