Insecurities

Chapter Fifteen

Baileys POV:

Louis and I have grown really close over the past couple of days, we talk constantly and flirting is one of the only thing that we basically do. I enjoy it, boy do I ever but there's a huge problem. He's bestfriends with Harry. No matter how big the fight there's always going to be that loyalty. It's something that tethers the group together, a connection that everyone can sense and that's why their fans love them so desperately. That's why I need to shove the stubborn lad to talk to his friend and not put myself in the middle of it. All that I can do is urge him to make the right decision. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat. By Louis hangin the over Harry gives it the chance to turn this light drizzle into a full blown storm. Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. I'd love to be able to throw the two of them in a room together but that'll do more harm and the two of them may never talk again. I don't want to be the one to ruin everything but it looks like this is were it's heading. But everytime I try and talk about it I get bombarded by him saying 'Why do you care?' or 'Leave it alone?' and quite frankly it's starting to worry me. I want to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him but the likelihood of that working is little to none.

"Bailey are you paying attention?" One of the girls asked and I nod my head, I've been asked that same question far too many times since our arrival and I'm sure that my friends want to bite my head off. I think Mollie's going on about some dates that she's going on and as much as I wish that I cared, I really and truly don't. I want to be able to feel proud of her for trusting a guy but I don't. As we continue to talk about the night I try and look interested not in my head and laughing when necessary even though my thoughts are elsewhere.

"It's Saturday, where the hell is Louis?" Sam asks and I remember sending him a text reminding him that he needs to be here and with all their eyes on me I shake my head. Time continues on slowly as the girls continue to talk about Mollie's date and soon enough there's a knock on the door. As Mollie runs excitedly to let the lad and I walked to the couch uninterested. I feel numb to everything, nothing ever makes sense. My constant thinking is weighing me down and I know that it's showing because I can see the worried looks from my friends and although I know that they're keeping their distance trying to allow me to figure this out on my own I just don't think that I can.

"Hi everyone." Louis says entering the living room bringing the mouth-watering aroma of Chinese takeaway along with him. I give him a nod to acknowledge him and then turn my full attention back to the black screened telly. I hear Mollie and Louis exchange a few hushed words and from the corner of my eye I see them both looking at me. He hands the bags off to my friend and take the seat on the couch beside me. His arm wrapped around me like all of the other times and I feel like I can breathe. The numbness that's going through me by my body and my mind is lifted like a curtain almost like a big theater production. Maybe its Romeo and Juliet and I play with my fingers finding myself hoping that it's something a little less tragic. We don't say anything, he holds me and I left him. I try and shut my eyes but image after image of the faces of the people affected by Harry comes with the darkness but let's face it if the monsters aren't walking around us they hide in the dark waiting for the next victim. Fear bubbles up in my chest, a tornado of confusion and terror fly around together inside of me. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from the judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established. If I want to push Louis to have the important discussion with a certain curly haired boy Harry will have to prove he's changed and that can't be done until he stops wearing his arse as a hat.

I'm locked within the plot of The Breakfast Club, almost everyone I know gets lost in a relationship between John Bender and Claire Standish but when Brian Johnson starts talking about his planned suicide I tear up for completely different reasons. I tug dow the sleeve on my left arm hoping that I don't move too much so Louis won't notice. Sometimes scars aren't only on the heart and in peoples memories maybe sometimes all of the pain that someone feels is all too much and the demons push and clock until they reach their breaking point and they have to take to tormenting them selves in their own hands. I don't think that he's noticed but my full plate of food doesn't go unnoticed he give me an uneasy look that I don't acknowledge and instead settle back into the movie.