[REWRITING] Help Me So I Can Rise Again (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 18 - New Face

I see a light, but I can't actually open my eyes, it's like something would be holding me. Like something would be wrong. Wait, something is wrong, because I want to open my eyes and move but I can't. It still feels like I'm walking towards the light though, but I can't reach it. 

What is going on? Last thing I remember is that I went to bathroom to cut... Oh shit, I must've cut too deep so I've passed out so they brought me here. I feel bad, I once said Harry that I won't hurt myself again. I promised to him. Well kinda...

And I think my mom found me. Oh my god... She's not going to like this at all. I've let everyone down.. Mom, Harry. Everyone I care about... I'm such a failier... What I have done to deserve life like this?

Oh yeah, I was born... My mom will probably put me to some kind of therapy. I don't want to. But maybe that would actually be a good thing. You know, maybe it would make me happy. Because that's all I want right now. To be happy. With Harry.

Then I feel some weight on me and I realize that I can open my eyes. I open them slowly, small light burning my eyes. Finally I see mop of curls on my chest. Why is Harry on my hospital bed? I shake him lightly and he wakes up immediately. He gets off from the bed and sits to the chair next to the bed. 

"Sorry, you was warm" he mumbles before he look at me sadly. "You did it again..."

I nod. "Yes, I did.. I'm sorry for letting you down... But I actually-"

I stop the sentence because I can't just say that 'oh, I found out that you're a liar and you don't care about me. Thank you and goodbye'

That would be really, really weird. Even from me. I'm definitely not that weird. 

"You what? You know you can tell me anything" he says softly. 

Maybe he cares.. He speaks with love in his voice I guess. At least that's what my mom said to me...

"I kinda... You know.. Thought that you don't care.. Maybe, you know.. Sorry... I don't mean that I don't trust you or that I don't love you or you don't mean anything to me. I just was little bit worried and stuff and-"  I keep talking but he cuts me off. 

"Oh, shut up, Lou. Of course I care about you. I love you and only you. Just trust me, okay?" he says and takes my hand. "And from now, I'll take better care of you, because you deserve only the best. Don't worry too much. It kills way more faster than cutting"

"Are you trying to tell me new ways to suicide?" I say and I chuckle lightly. 

He smiles sadly but laughs a little. "Of course, love. Now.. I'm going to tell the doctors that you're awake"

He kisses my forehead softly, but then he leaves the room without saying anything else. I sigh. I didn't deserve him. He's way too good for me, even though it should be that way, that I'd take care of him. He needs someone to save him. 

He tells me he loves me but I don't know do I love him.. Oh wait, of course I do. Of course. 

Then the door opens again. There comes a beautiful young girl and my mother. I notice that hey, I know this girl. I've seen her before. I've talked to her. Oh god, I've loved her.

"Umm.. Mom... Why you brought Bella here?" I ask sighing. 

They both walk to me and Bella sits on the chair next to my bed. She takes my hand and smiles at me sadly. 

"Tell me everything. You know that my brother used to cut and he was really sad and then he got to the hospital and yeah so your mom thought that you could talk to me because she thinks I could understand you" Bella says smiling.