you say that you don't care but we made love.
Morning came, the sun shining into the den, the air filled with the sweet scent of burned out candles and reacquainted love. Demi was the first to awake, rolling away from Joe's embrace into her own discarded sweatshirt, opening her eyes and realizing what had happened last night, recalling what she had felt. Every touch that Joe had placed on her skin had burned, and caused her body to ignite with a fire that could only be quenched by him, and his touch, and his love. But a part of her that was stronger than any other was telling her not to let him in, that it was all too good to be true, that she needed to remember or else it wouldn't be real. She wanted nothing more than to love him, but could she do that without remembering? Would her mind and her soul and her heart be able to work together as a team, so that she could feel how she felt last night, wrapped in the warm embrace of his never ending love for her?
"Morning," his arms circled around her waist and no matter how right it felt, she couldn't shake off how uncomfortable she suddenly felt. Her body was rejecting him, even though it had not last night, even though it had surrendered. What was stopping it from surrendering now?
"I'm gonna go shower and make some breakfast for when Nolie comes back," she placed her hands on his wrists, moving his arms off of her and using the blanket as some type of makeshift robe, shielding her body that was covered in his marks, from his eyes. He was confused as to why she was pulling away when she had been so willing to let go last night. Why couldn't she just fully let go and love him like she was meant to, like she had been for the past six years?
She went upstairs but she didn't shower. She climbed into the bath tub, naked, with her phone in her hand and dialed Dallas's number as she let the water fill up around her. She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin there, trying to breathe, trying not to suffocate.
"Demi, I'm on my-" she was cut off by a loud sob in her ear and Dallas pulled the phone away, looking down at it and listening to her sister's cries on the other end of the line.
"Dallas, I don't know what to do!" Demi sobbed as Dallas placed the phone back against her ear and tried to calm her sister down.
"Whoa, Demi, what is wrong? You need to breathe; you have to remember to breathe. Now tell me what is going on," Dallas asked, looking back at Nolie who was half asleep, thankfully not listening to the conversation.
"Last night, Joe and I, we stayed in and it was literally the sweetest thing ever and we were talking and then we kissed and we did some things and I woke up naked and Dallas I don't know what to do! I'm hurting him, Dal, but I'm hurting myself too, I just don't know what to do!" she listened to her ramble, her quick and heavy breaths, her broken cries, the sound of running water in the background.
"Wait you slept with him? Why are you confused, that's your husband!"
"I don't know how to feel, my body and my heart aren't acting as one and I'm so confused and I just wish that none of this had never happened! I wish I never woke up!" she hung up the phone and threw it against the wall, listening to it crack, wondering if that was the sound that Joe's heart had made when he had woken up, and she had walked away, as if last night hadn't happened. As if she didn't want it to happen.
She turned the water off and sank down further in the tub, until the water was up to her nose and she was barely breathing. She wondered what it would be like, if she hadn't woken up but then came to the conclusion that if she had died, the heartbreak would be the same as it was now. She was alive but she wasn't herself. She wasn't the Demi that she had been molded into for the past six years. She wasn't what everyone expected her to be, what they remembered her as. And it pained her, because what if she could never be herself again? Who was she supposed to be? How was she supposed to adjust? Would she ever remember?
You made a fool of me, tell me why?
Joe didn't dare enter his bedroom, since Demi had taken permanent residence in the guest bedroom but somehow still used the master bedroom bathroom, because Demi was in there. He couldn't face her, because if he did, he would yell at her, scream at her, let all of his angers and frustration out. Last night with her, with his wife, had been amazing. It was like he had his Demi back, the one that loved him. There was no hesitation, no regret, nothing but love, until he woke up and Demi had simply walked away, and she was back to being cold again. He balanced himself on the counter, trying to stop his tears from flowing, trying to stop his heart from breaking to no avail. She had broken it, the woman who had fixed it had ripped it apart and she didn't even mean to. That didn't mean that it hurt any less.
"Daddy?" he saw Nolie walk into the kitchen, hair in a style that only Dallas could do, cheeks flushed from the California breeze but eyes still bright as she ran up to her dad and waited for him to pick her up.
"Did you and mommy have fun last night? Is she ready for our sleepover tonight?" Nolie eagerly asked but quickly calmed down as she saw the redness of her father's eyes and the gathering tears at the bottom of his eyelids. She used her tiny thumbs to wipe them away and furrowed her eyebrows.
"Daddy, why are you crying? Did you get ouchies too? You want me to get mommy to put a band aid on it?" Nolie asked and Joe couldn't help but chuckle at her innocence. He silently prayed that she stayed like that for a while and would never be exposed to the type of heartbreak that he was experiencing.
"I don't think a band aid can heal daddy's type of ouchie but thank you, princess," he kissed her cheek and she was back to smiling again which caused a smile to break out on Joe's face as he placed her on the counter.
"Demi, listen to your heart. We already talked about this, we already discussed this. Somewhere deep inside of you is the love that you have for Joe, which we all know you have for him. You just need to find it. Stop allowing your mind to keep you from being happy. You're your biggest enemy right now. No one is stopping you from being happy, even if you can't remember the past six years of your life, except for yourself," Dallas explained, petting down Demi's wild mane of hair, trying to calm her down and get her back to thinking straight. She had never seen her sister so conflicted and this was Demi she was talking about, who half the time couldn't even comprehend what was going through her own brain sometimes.
"I don't even know who I am Dallas. I'm suffocating here. I don't wanna be here, in this house, anymore. It feels like I can't breathe. I know I hurt him so bad. I can't live with myself knowing that I hurt him," Demi cried into her older sister who just kissed the top of her head and rubbed her arm.
"You can not run away from this. Running away from this is not gonna get your memory back and it's just gonna hurt you even more. This is where you're supposed to be, believe it or not. This is where your heart is, with Joe and that little girl downstairs who loves and admires you so much," Dallas coaxed, finally feeling her calm down and sit up, rubbing her face clean of any hint of sadness.
"How about we take Nolie out for the day, to get stuff for the sleepover that she won't shut up about, and then we come back here and have a nice girls' night? No Joe, no Wilmer, no anything," Dallas suggested as Demi nodded and let Dallas pull her downstairs.
Nolie looked up from her bowl of cereal, knowing that she wasn't supposed to be sitting on the counters or eating sugary cereal for breakfast, waiting for her mom to snap at her but was pleasantly surprised when it didn't come.
"Joe I hope you don't mind but I'm gonna steal your wife and daughter away for the rest of the day," Dallas said with a cheeky smile as Demi avoided eye contact with Joe and gently grabbed Nolie off of the counter.
"Uh yeah, that's fine," Joe shrugged, too tired to disagree or force Demi to stay and actually talk to him. He was just tired and broken and he wasn't in the mood for much of anything.
"If you need anything...text me...I guess," was all that Demi said before she was out the door again, leaving him to pick up the pieces of his broken heart, heart that she had shattered this morning and had not even apologized.
and now when we're face to face
you won't look me in the eye.
no time, no friendship, no love.
tell me if y'all liked it. if i made you happy, sad, made you laugh or smile! sorry for the wait, writing the next part now :)
