It was a pattern. Things would be good for a while. She would remember things for a while, good things. She would feel like, and everyone around her would feel like, they were finally making progress and getting somewhere. As soon as she couldn't remember something that someone had brought up, she shut herself down; because she remembered that things weren't back to normal. She remembered that she still had amnesia, and how her doctor had told her that she probably would for the rest of her life. She remembered that she was bringing a child into this world with amnesia, not remembering how she even parented the first child. How was she supposed to care for the second? How was she supposed to be a good mother?
"Demi, come on, we've got a doctor's appointment in an hour. Don't you wanna see what gender the baby is?" he gently placed his hand on her stomach as he knelt down on his knees by her side of the bed. She placed her hand on his wrist and pushed it off of her stomach, yanking the covers up to her chin and closing her eyes again. Three months of darkness. Three months of pulling away. Three months of the darkness in her mind consuming her every action and thought, simply because she couldn't remember how he had proposed to her. But everyone knew that it was something so much bigger than that; they just didn't know how to even begin to connect to her, to let her know that they understood, even if they didn't.
"Demi, I can't let you get like this. Not again. Nolie is afraid to come and talk to you. I have to force you to eat and get out of bed. I know things are difficult, but shutting yourself down is not the answer to anything," Joe explained, frustration clear in his voice, before he left her alone to go into the bathroom. She heard the water in the shower run and shut her eyes even tighter, wishing for nothing more than to just sleep, and perhaps never wake up.
"Let's go," even though she had a small bump resting under her boobs, she was still light for him, and he had no problem lifting her up and carrying her into the bathroom. He opened the shower door and stepped in with her as she screeched and beat her hands against his chest so that he would put her down.
"It'll get warmer," he turned the nozzle all the way to the hot water, and quickly stripped out of his clothes, before grasping the edge of her shirt so that he could help her out of his.
"I don't want you to see me," she choked out, the water falling down on them masking the tears that were falling from her eyes. "I don't want you to see me," she repeated, resting her head against his chest, as he let her cry it all out. It was better than the lack of emotion that she had been showing towards anything for the past three months.
"I don't wanna do this anymore. Why'd I wake up if I wasn't gonna be able to remember anything? I feel like I don't know how to conquer my own mind anymore. It's so dark...so dark," she whispered as Joe wrapped his arms around her before lowering both of them to the ground, Demi settling beneath his legs as he ran his fingers through her hair.
"You woke up because God knew you could do this. He knew you'd be able to handle this baby, and love this baby, with everything in you. He knew that with your memory or without it, you'd still be able to do what he planned for you to do on this earth. He has full faith in you, and so do I. I know you can do this, Demi. You're one of the strongest, if not the strongest, people that I know. You can do anything," he kissed the side of her face as she sniffled and looked down at her five month belly. Was that really why she had woken up; to bring another child, to bring another life, into this world, simply because God knew that she could? She had conquered so many other things; couldn't she conquer this as well?
"Okay," she trailed off, chewing on her bottom lip. It was still dark to her, and she couldn't fully see what she wanted to. But for right now, she had a light at the end of the tunnel, and that was more than she could say before.
"The baby's getting big in there," Dr. Jacobs said with a wide smile, moving the probe around her stomach, spreading the transducer fluid around as she waited for the image to appear on the screen.
"Do you guys wanna know the gender today or do you want to be surprised?" Dr. Jacobs questioned as Demi looked over at Joe who shrugged, leaving the decision up to her.
"I wanna know," Demi said, looking back at the monitor as the heartbeat of her baby filled the room. She squeezed Joe's hand as he beamed and squeezed hers right back.
"Well, assuming my eyesight hasn't faltered in the last few years, you are having a little baby boy," Dr. Jacobs stated as Joe let his tears of complete joy fall down his cheeks, and Demi closed her eyes, imagining herself with her perfect little family.
"I'm gonna go print these pictures up," Dr. Jacobs left the couple to cherish the moment, and Joe wiped his tears away before grabbing some paper towel to help her clean up.
"I hope he looks just like you," Demi breathed out, flashing him a warm smile before pulling her shirt down, and letting him help her off of the bed.
"And I hope he has your strength, and your beautiful personality," Joe responded as Demi intertwined their fingers, and they went out to the waiting area to wait for their doctor.
"I'll go get her," Demi said, exiting the car after they had pulled up to her parents' house in Sherman Oaks. She slammed the door shut and jogged to the front door, immediately entering and looking around trying to find where her family was with Nolie.
She walked into the living room and saw them all sprawled out on the couches. She smiled and picked up Maddie's dog, Bella, before sitting down next to her mom who jumped at her first, but then cuddled up to her daughter.
"Is it a boy or a girl?" Dianna placed her hands on Demi's stomach and gently rubbed them around as Demi smiled and looked down to where Nolie was sitting on the floor, nervously eyeing her own mother.
"It's a boy. I'm gonna talk to Nolie alone for a little bit before I leave, okay?" Demi shot her mother a smile before she tapped Nolie's shoulder, causing her to turn away from the TV and look at her mother.
"Let's go for a walk, yeah?" Nolie took Demi's hand and she led them outside, beginning their walk around the beautiful infinity pool, and the small garden that was back there.
"I know I've been acting really weird lately, and I'm sorry for that," Demi started as Nolie nodded and sat down on one of the pool chairs, as Demi did the same.
"You've been sad. I don't like it when you're sad. I don't get any cuddles," Nolie stated as Demi sighed and played with the ends of her hair that now tickled her lower back, thanks to her prenatal pills.
"I don't like it when I'm sad either. But sometimes, I just get really sad, and I just can't stop being sad. Do you get what I'm saying?" Demi slowly explained as Nolie nodded and finally looked at her mother.
"Like when daddy got really sad when you moved out for a really long time?"
"Kind of like that. But when I get sad you wanna know who helps me get happy again?" Nolie stopped playing with her fingers and listened intently to her mother's next words. "You do. You help me get happy again, because I love you so much and I know that you love me too. So whenever I get sad like that, just remind me that you love me, and I promise that we'll cuddle for the rest of the day," Demi opened her arms and Nolie instantly jumped into them, burying her face in the crook of her mom's neck as Demi kissed the top of her head.
"You're gonna be the best big sister ever, did you know that? And your little brother is gonna love you so much," Demi cooed as Nolie's face lit up and she looked down at Demi's stomach, squealing in excitement.
"It's a brother?"
"Yeah, baby, it's a brother," Demi giggled as Nolie pressed her ear against her stomach and beamed as if she could hear her little brother talking to her.
"Hi, I'm your big sister, and I'm gonna be the best sister ever!" Nolie exclaimed as Demi simply smiled and sat there, with her two kids, feeling more complete than she ever had in the past three months.
Special moment between Joe and Demi next chapter ;) ten more chapters until this is over...brace yourselves :(
