ONE LAST TIME

Beautiful storm

"You alright?"
I tear my eyes awat from the window and turn to see Alex looking at me with concern.

I probably don't deserve that look.

Heck I don't deserve anyone worrying for me right now let alone give up his life. Again my breath hitches and I find myself choking.
How could he fucking do that? Doesn't he fucking get the fact that if he would have died today I would have lost it?
Alex puts his one arm on my shoulder patting my back. It is a sweet gesture but my mind is too screwed up that I end up  leaning away.
Realizing this he pulls back smiling warily. I bite my lips knowing whatever I did was rude. His touch was purely plutonic but I really couldn't help it.
"I am sorry I didn't mean to do that"

My voice is hardly audible and even to me it sounds like I have been drunk for hours. He nods speaking softly, too soft I think because my sobs are way too loud.
"It's okay. I understand."
I smile softly amidst the tears. The car has been parked outside Briana's house for the last 10 minutes. I haven't even bothered opening the door and stepping out because I am hell afraid that I will fall if I take one more step.
Alex has been incredibly sweet and has been consoling me and giving me space.
I am nearly respinsible for his friend's accident. For all I know he should probably just push me off his car and drive away. But he is still sitting here and somehow the silence between us is comfortable and soothing.
He looks at me and I suddenly feel ashamed of my tear stricken face.
"Juvena,you know he is really sorry right?"

My heart hammers at the words but the pain this tiny beating thing has gone through helps me keep my stand.
I speak softly,
"Does he know how broken was I? For god sake Alex I kept waiting for his call."
I won't let you down.
Goddamn it Ethan. I miss you. I freaking miss him so much that I almost ask Alex to turn the car and drive me back to the hospital.
However taking whatever was left of me I open the door and climb out. The lights are on in the house and I know I will be bombarded with questions.

Taking a deep breath I turn and smile at him.
"Thank you Alex."
He smiles back and I can see the worry evident in his eyes and I am grateful for it.
"That's okay. However ,"he pauses for a second,"I do hope you realize that 11:11 comes twice so we all can have a second chance in our lives."
I stare at him dumbfounded and confused.
When I don't respond he simply calls out goodnight and pulls away leaving me at the threshold doubling over his words.

I gave my second chance of love to Ethan, Alex.
His face floods my mind again and I let out a sob which racks my body.
Before I realize I am shaking violently trying to remove his memories.
Stupid thing called love.
Stupid guy called Ethan.
You made it so fucking hard not fall for you.
Why can't I get myself to hate him.
I don't know how long I sat there but at sometime the door must have opened.
Sia must have found me barely awake at the doorstep.
I vaguely remember a kind lady introducing herself.
I remember her giving me a glass of something hot.
I remember Briana tucking me up.
All hazy memories but none that helps me clear my throat but I do remember this.
I was falling and a certain brown eyed guy left my hand. I remember screaming his name but he walked away.
However maybe just maybe before I hit the bottom,I heard a crash.
************************************
I toss about the bed rubbing my eyes. I can tell they are puffy and red considering the amount I have been rubbing them.
I groggily get up and walk half dazed towards the bathroom.
Sia's bed is already made. Strange they didn't wake me up.
Maybe they wanted to give me space consdering how dysfunctional I am.

Crazy dysfunctional woman who drove guy mad enough to jump straight into a car accident.

I peel off my clothes and step in to the shower. The mess in my mind clears up a bit as the hot water hits me. Yesterday replays back in flashes and bits but I shake my head. No I won't think about him.