ONE LAST TIME

Never fell out of love

Juve's Pov

'You will find someone who will love you"

What a flat liar I am! 

He did find her. She loved him more than anything else. She loved every fucking flaws of his and cherished every breathing moment with him. He was her anchor but then that anchor didn't hold on. He sunk her instead and she drowned till another one came and rescued her.

The truth is I will never regret any moment with Ryan. They were beautiful in all possible ways and if given the chance to go back,he will always be my first love. 

But there are some love worth leaving, some people worth letting go. Ryan is one of them.

Ethan however will always be a different story.

There are people worth keeping no matter how much they cut through you.

Ethan is one of them and there is nothing I could do to change it.

The car ride was comfortably silent and Bri and Sia kept to themselves. I stared numbly outside trying to forget Ryan, trying to forget his crushed look, his last words.He was always good with words always made you feel every word hit home and he just did that. But I knew he had changed. He was no more that naive, hot shot who broke my heart months ago. 

He was no more that guy who saw right through  me and pretended as if I didn't exist.

Maybe he never was. He always cared just that he never showed.His ego got the better of him.

Just like Ethan's.

That is it. Everything goes back to him. Everything is about Ethan. This is the kind of sad ,not being able to explain why.

I had my closure with Ryan. That happens when you are ready to forgive him and yourself too. 

But Ethan?

He was not my forever ,he was not my soulmate.  We were all about maybes and moments, but the hardest part is I almost wanted him to be my last,the one to be with me tied. And I lost myself loving him and now I don't know how to find myself.

He saw me with Ryan and I am scared. I am scared of the hollow look that was in his eyes,of the way his face dropped, the way Grayson looked at me. I am scared of what he will think inspite of us being no more together. 

I will be gone in a week and I don't know what will happen between me and Ryan but I know where the road is heading between me and Ethan. Rewinding my story all over again. This time I will be the one doing the leaving but there won't be any goodbye tears or morning last hugs.Just faded memories and last looks, fleeting thoughts of what could have been and how we both have screwed it up.

Luke was worried about my state and Sia would not leave me but I pushed them out. Riya called me asking if I am alright. She is happy but she doesn't tell me I will be okay because she knows better than to say that.  And I am glad because hearts don't heal like that.

JACK J- Hey there is a block party tonight at Jack's house. Pop in around 8. See you there.

  I look at the screen light up and sit down on my bed. I desperately need a break. One that doesn't involve Ryan or Ethan.I find my finger flying across the keyboard before  I can even think of what I am typing.

Me: Sure! See ya!     

I take a deep breath and watch the blue tick come. I need a change and this has never felt so right before. I look up as the door open and Sia walks in. The look in her eyes is blank and there is nothing you can guess from it. I nod my head at her, a silent gesture to show that she can come in not that she cares. She simply comes and sits next to me.