ONE LAST TIME

Time

I walk back to Arya as Grayson leaves to attend to a call. Everybody starts dispersing now leaving the hallway with assumptions and assumptions.

I could care less. It has been two weeks here and I think I am topping everyone's gossip list. Another two weeks and I am out of here. I sigh inwardly thinking of what all can happen. I will be lying if I say I am not scared. Every second my life is like a freaking rollercoaster.

I have a free period and so Arya and I decided to go to the cafetaria considering the amount I have to tell her.
We walk silently as I contemplate all that has happen. Arya doesn't say anything but she just holds my hand and smiles at me. Precisely why I love this girl. She understands space the way I need it.
We sit down in a corner and she drums her fingers on the table waiting for me to speak. Suddenly I feel all the more tired and there is nothing I want to do other than curl up and cry my lungs out.

"Hey,you can cry Juve! Stop holding back."

She speaks softly patting my hand as I think of him in the hospital.
I thought he just had a fracture and some bruises but never this serious.
And all because of me.

I open my mouth but no sound comes out. The pain in my chest is becoming unbearable and I feel a hot lump rise in my chest.

"I don't know what to do anymore Arya. It is..it is so frustrating."

The tear ducts open up and I close my eyes letting them flow.

Here I thought I was moving on.

"Tell me from the start."
And so I do. I tell her everything from the airport to the bet,the music room incident to the car accident and then finally the hospital moments.
But I leave out some parts because they are too fragile and I don't want anyone to know not even my bestfriend.
I leave out the part when I kissed him on his forehead or the part when he held me for a fraction of second watching my face taking in my features.
I leave out the part when he said how hard it was not to fall for me becuase I am afraid if I say it out loud it will be erased from my memory.
I watch Arya's face go from angry to shocked then to finally an emotion I don't know.

She takes a good long minute to process her thoughts and then speaks,
"Juve. He loves you."

For the second time today I hear these words and for the hundredth time I feel the thousand capacities in me burning up leaving me broken and breathless in its trail.
I don't answer her because I am not sure of my voice or if I am able to form coherent thoughts in my mind.

So I simply lean on her shoulders and I cry. She holds me tight rubbing my back as I cry unable to take anything in.
To be honest I am surprised my tears haven't dried up.
I cry till Grayson comes telling me that he took permission from the headmaster.
His face is solemn and he is reluctant to make me do it but I know he desperately needs a donor to save his twin's life. And also he knows I can be that donor.

I hug Arya sadly wishing I could spend more time with her but she pushes me away gently wiping my tears.
"I will always be there don't worry. Go."
She nods her head at Grayson and steps back as he takes my hand and walk to the parking lot.
We don't say anything to each other till we are about to reach the hospital.

"You can still back out if you want."
I shake my head at him because I need to do this. I need to see him out of that hospital or the guilt will eat me alive.

They hadn't told their parents not wanting to scare them even though I think it is a really bad idea. But I don't suggest anything to them maybe because I feel I have lost the right to.

We walk silently to the doctor's cabin as Grayson knocks on the door sharply.
I stare at my feet and keep rocking back and forth on my heels when the door opens.
A kind looking man smiles sadly at Grayson and motions him to come inside.
He looks at me and smiles. The ones that don't reach the eye and I know it too well because it is a part of me.
Grayson and I walk in and take our seats as the doctor opens a file and glances through it.