Calories

Chapter Fourteen

That's all I am. A fuck up. It's probably all I'll ever be. I may lose some weight because of what I did, but i probably just also lost Frank, which I don't think was worth the few pounds that I know I'll lose.

I want to sit on the floor and cry, but instead I brush my teeth and cry. My mouth tastes disgusting after puking and if I'm going to cry, I might as well do other things as well so I don't waste time.

Frank probably fucking hates me now. He thinks I'm disgusting. He thinks I'm a pig. He never wants to see me again, I know it. He watched me eat so much food just to throw it all up.

"Are you okay?" I hear Mikey ask me. I didn't close the door to the bathroom after Frank left, and he must have heard Frank yell at me. I spit out the toothpaste that was in my mouth before answering.

"Oh yeah, I'm doing just great. I mean, Frank just yelled at me and left and I'm pretty sure he never wants to see me again. I also just brushed my teeth for probably five fucking minutes, but hey, I might not have any friends anymore, but at least my teeth are clean," I say. I start full out sobbing now. I hadn't felt the full impact of what happened until now.

Frank is my only friend. Was my only friend. Now I don't have any friends.

"I don't know how to help you," Mikey says quietly. Thank God he didn't ask why Frank left.

"You can't help me. It's my fault anyways. But who needs him. I definitely don't," I say before nervously laughing but still sobbing at the same time. I can tell Mikey feels slightly uncomfortable and he leaves without saying anything else. That's fine. I don't need him either. I can get through my life without anyone else.

I rinse off my toothbrush before deciding to take a shower even though I took one this morning. I just need to stand in the water and either think about or forget everything that happened today.

I turn on the water and step in. I was hoping to forget the happenings of today, but nope; I think about them instead. I was called a fag multiple times because of Frank. Frank left me. Now I'm going to get bullied for liking guys and be lonely. Great.

Frank has so much control over my emotions that it just isn't fair anymore. Not even I should be able to affect myself as much as Frank did. I thought I loved him less than an hour ago, but now he hates me and I don't know how I feel about him.

He was perfect and now he is less than perfect. He made me consider eating again. That isn't what I want. If he actually loved me he would want me to be happy. Food doesn't make you happy. It gets you fat.

That's how everyone else is going to turn out if they keep up how much they're eating. Fat. That's all they'll be. No one likes you when you're fat. I need to get thinner. I still have fat. Fat is bad. It won't get me anywhere.

When Frank decided to leave I thought that was bad because I loved him, but maybe this will help me get thinner faster. He was the one making me eat. I hate eating. Maybe I hate him.

That's a lie. I could never hate him. I will always love him. He was nice to me most of the time.

I decide to get out of the shower and dry myself off before putting on clean clothes before going back to my room. It's 9:30, and I'm really tired from crying so much. I go to bed, and luckily for me, I manage to calm down and fall asleep without thinking about my day very much.

"Hello," two girls say to me. They're both really pretty. Even better, they're both thin.

"Who are you?" I ask them. Maybe they'll want to talk to me.

"I'm Ana and this is Mia," one of the girls says. Ana has straight, long, black hair that goes almost all the way to her waist. Mia has brown wavy hair that goes halfway down her back. Mia looks like she's less thin than Ana, but they're both thinner than me, which makes me so jealous. But they both look great and I'm happy that they manage to be so thin. Maybe there's hope for me.

"You're both so pretty," I say. I can't help but tell them. They both giggle a little.

"Do you want help losing weight?" Ana asks.

"We can help you. We can be your friends" Mia offers.

"I would love help," I say. They'll help me and be my friends? They're offering me everything I need and want right now. I could I deny their offer?

"If you want help losing weight, you have to do everything either of us tell you, no matter how much you hate it," Ana says.

"I'll do anything," I say, accepting their offer.

"Are you sure you'll do anything to get thinner if we know it will help?" Ana asks.

"Of course. My only wish is to be thin," I say.

"Then your wish is our command," Ana says.

I wake up covered in a sweat. It was just a dream. I don't have anyone to help me. I'm going to get fat. I'm hopeless.

"It may have been a dream, but we're still here to help. I'm going to help you more than Mia. Mia will help you if you fuck up. Go back to sleep," I hear Ana say. So I'm actually going to have help. That's great. Now I can finally get skinny.

I roll over and try to go back to sleep. I agreed to do everything that Ana and Mia ask of me, and why shouldn't I follow their advice. If they got skinny then I can get skinny with their help.

I drift off to sleep with images of Mia and Ana in my head and how much better I will look when I lose weight.