Darkness Within Her Soul

Chapter Six

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." ~Mark Twain

I looked away from Aiden, examining my nails. Wow, when did they get to look so shitty?

This wasn't something I really wanted to talk about. This was completely not something I wanted to discuss this early in the morning let alone pretty much ever.

Him being gone was part of me gone. Shoot. I couldn't even say his name. In my mind it hurt so much to think of him. Saying "him" was just so much easier then saying his name. I wasn't sure id ever be able to say his name again. I haven't said it since the moment he left this earth. I screamed it over and over as I witnessed his departure, and then I went into blackness. I remember waking up in the hospital knowing he was gone. I felt this horrible dread. This horrific black hole within my soul. I felt nothing but utter sadness.

Why did I jump into the ocean?

Why did I not fight?

What happened to Lily?

All extremely good questions to ask the girl you just rescued. He didn't really even ask he kind of demanded I tell him. That didn't sit to well with me. I wasn't into demanding people. He was demanding at a time, making sure I understood I only belonged to him and no body else. Claiming my before the whole world that I belonged to him body and soul.

What do I say?

I can't tell him the truth. If I told him the whole truth, about why I spent my evening in the ocean and tried to ...well I didn't even try it wasn't like I planned to just go to the ocean and off myself. I never really planned these moments they just kind of happened. It was kind of like opportunities given by the grace of our lord to leave. It was obvious that when I died I was going to hell anyways. What was the point of really living a full life? Might as well end it quickly and shove my hinny into the deepest pit of hell.

I wasn't to sure how long my mentally left the world while I debated this whole issue. I was almost certain judging by the look on his face I had either started to talk out loud. Basically, I was putting the verbal nail in my coffin.

OR

I was blankly staring off into the unknown and he was getting creped out. Or by the judge of his eyebrows...turned on?...Turned off?...confused...? I'm not totally sure.

Actually the look on his face was freaking me out a little bit. I blinked and turned to fully look at him. His lips turned in to a sweet looking smile and I felt slightly less freaked out.

"I don't know what your referring too." I said slightly above a whisper.

"Yes, you do Lilianna." He said not believing my bull.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said, trying to flash a smile but it probably looked more like I was trying to crap my pants.

He laughed at me, tugging on the shirt he was wearing. "Who's are these?" he asked bluntly.

"Nobodies." I said flatly, flopping down on my bed, throwing my arms up into the air having them basically slapping me in my own face.

It was almost true; he was nobody now. He didn't have a body nor did he exist any further so technically he was a nonexistent body.

"They cant be no ones Lily." He stated with a huff. " I found them on the floor near your bed. I'm not judging you I'm just asking. My clothes were wet when I came out of the bathroom after helping you and I just found them. I was going to ask you if your father had anything I could borrow but you just curled up into that bed completely mute and said nothing and just went to sleep."