Darkness Within Her Soul

Chapter Twenty-One

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy. ~ Jim Rohn

How does one stop a cycle from continuing?

I wasn't sure how, but that was my only thought process going on today. I sat in my third period class watching out of the window at Matt's ghost. He was back; he had been back for the last three weeks since I sat Detective Reed. I was strong for a moment and let the pain go but he came right back. He had been a distraction since. Aiden was concerned for me, to say the least. I had crawled back up into my shell and did little talking again.

I didn't know what to do. I knew something so dangerous that I felt if It leaked from me I would surely die.

Matt's eyes bore into mine from beyond the window, his form leaning on a tree as he tossed his football into the air and caught it. I almost felt eager to leave so I could go talk to him again. Ask him why? Ask him what I should do...

But that was silly because Matt was dead.

Dead and gone.

I was slipping again back into my own stupid fantasy land. Where matt loved me and treated me like a princess.

I shouldn't have been thinking about Matt at all. Aiden loved me and treated me like a princess to begin with. I should be grateful anyone loved me.

I shook the thoughts away as the bell rung. I gathered my belonging and rushed from the room behind the large group of teenagers and headed towards the lunchroom.

I was going to grab a sandwich and go sit hidden somewhere. I had to get away from all the people and having to be at school wasn't my idea of solitude. I walked down the hallway hoping to keep myself away from distraction. Aiden was here today, I knew this considering her walked with me to school this morning. It was becoming awkward; he talked a lot to fill the silence between us. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to say anything.

I had stood up for myself, I had fixed the holes within myself, and Matt was back. I didn't know why, but he came back the day after the police station with Detective Reed. I was beginning to believe I had Schizophrenia. At this point my mood's were as bi polar as they could be. It also didn't help that I flushed all my medication down the toilet on day three. I had seen the Detective and I had confessed my dark secret and still Matt returned. At this point the depression medication wasn't doing anything. If Matt was back he was back for a reason and most likely he was back to torment me soul until I killed myself.

I walked down the hallway and into the lunch room double doors, I headed towards the line on the left side and sided up the counter grabbing a sandwich wrapped in a plastic film, and headed down the line to grab and apple and a juice. I made it half way down the line until someone cut in front of me, their large arm grabbing the last piece of chocolate cake. I turned my face to the right to see Caleb standing there smirking at me.

"Excuse me." he said lightly, his tone as nonthreatening as he could make it. Least I thought so, I tensed up regardless.

I looked away and hoped this line went quickly. Much to my dismay there was a group of girls in front of us, one of which was having an argument with the lunch lady about how her lasagna looked like dog food. That's probably not something you tell the person who feeds you lunch. Who knows what she could do to that food. Common sense honestly.

Caleb was watching my face, which I tried my best to move as far away from his gaze as possible.

"How are you doing Lil?" Caleb's voice said close to my ear.

I didn't want to move, I didn't want to speak to him, or anyone else for that matter.

"I asked you how you were Lil, you can't even speak to me?" Caleb said, his tone getting impatient.