Darkness Within Her Soul

Chapter Eleven

Love to faults is always blind, always is to joy inclined. Lawless, winged, and unconfined, and breaks all chains from every mind. ~William Shakespeare

The sound of the door closing made my whole body shake with sadness. He was gone, I just had him enter my life and then I made him leave. I was like a black cloud taking everything over and killing its hope.

Aiden told me when I was ready to find him, but would I ever be ready? I didn't know.

I found it again and my black cloud murdered it. Could I really tell him the whole truth I didn't know for sure.

I sat on the couch for a long time. It was probably hours before I found that I had to get up and go to bed. Not that I deserved the comfort but I needed my bed. I needed the blackness and total darkness my room provided I felt half okay in my bed. In my bedroom, away from everyone.

My feelings for Aiden were strange and confusing. On one hand I didn't think I deserved to feel happy. I loathed myself so, why would Aiden ever grow to care or love for me when I knew I didn't deserve it.

On the other hand, I felt different around Aiden then I did when we were kids and he was such a great guy. He grew up to be just the way I'd think he'd have become. Over the years of his absence in my life, I didn't think about him that often, we grew apart. He moved back to his hometown every end of summer and I stayed here. I was in California and he was in Nevada. We lived different lives and it happened that my life changed and I lost him in the shuffle.

Now that he was back, and back for good it seemed by that moving truck a few days ago. He wasn't leaving which meant if I knew Aiden he wouldn't give up on me.

But he wasn't one of go back on what he said. I needed to sort out of life and fix my problems before I would ever think that Aiden would want the disaster I had become.

I wasn't sure when but I sat in my bed just thinking and thinking about everything.

I had so much bottled up that I felt like I might explode.

I briefly thought about going back to the ocean. The night's darkness would hide my arrival and anything I might choose would soon be gone. No one would know. Aiden would know still.

I felt like my sky was falling down.

I threw out the ocean idea after a bit of a battle within myself. I felt tired, and soon I was drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

'''''''''

"*Wauh- Wauh- Wauh*" My alarm clock blared near my head. My arm reached out from under my duvet and I pawed around searching for the snooze.

Ten more minutes.

"*Wauh- Wauh- Wauh*" It still blared. I slapped it hard and it fell from my nightstand and hit the floor loudly with a clatter.

"ughh." I groaned.

I really didn't want to get up. It was Monday, which meant I had to get up and go to school. Right now my clock read 7:00am, from its location on my floor. That meant I had an hour to get up and get ready. I had to walk to school, like most kids my age we all lived close to our school except for the students from the two towns over, whom took a school bus, or maybe their cars. I didn't have a car. Well I did have a car, I was just...unable to drive it currently.

It wasn't that I was scared.

Okay that's a lie I was scared. Since the accident a year ago I haven't been able to get into a car without freaking out. Driving was out of the question. I normally walked.