Trudeau

Panics

Maps - Maroon 5

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"Jesus fucking Christ!" Carley comes rushing into the bathroom as I puke my guts out. "Eliza, are you okay?"

"What do you think?" I raise my eyebrow at her before I go back to dry heaving. Finally, my stomach seems to calm down enough to where I can lean against the bathroom cabinets and not the toilet. "I feel terrible." I rub my head.

"Are you going to go to class today?" Carley asks as she rubs my back.

"I have to. Today I have economics and Mrs. Goode hates me. I need to get on her good side." I stand up and brush my teeth quickly.

"Well let's go then before all the reporters show up." Carley grabs my hoodie sleeve and drags me out the door.

This is how life has been for the past three days. Reporters asking for an interview, statement, anything from me. They'll follow me to try and get one too, but honestly I just want peace and quiet because I'm currently trying to avoid thinking about the break up (and everything that went along with it) and they're definitely not helping. 

"Do you have class today?" I ask as we reach the campus.

"Nope!" Carley replies happily popping the "p". Her natural curls bouncing as she walks.

"Then why are you here? I'm not on this campus unless I have to be here!" I laugh as we approach the building that only symbolizes hell for me.

"I don't know. I wanted to make sure no one would get in your face. " Carley shrugs. Wow, I don't deserve her.

I stand in awe for a moment, "That's probably the nicest thing anyone has done for me to be honest."

"Anytime. Fuck the media!" Carley screams just as I open the door to the building.

I let out a laugh as Carley begins to laugh, "Shhh you moron!"

"Well I'm guessing that's my queue to leave then?" Carley asks as I walk to the class labeled "Economics"

"Probably. See you at 11?" I tell her bye.

"Nah, I have a date with Wilson today. You may see me tonight. Depends on how the date goes." Carley winks before walking away.

"I really don't want to know about your sex life, but bye!" I reply, physical shivering from the image in my mind. Carley turns around and blows me a kiss before exiting the building. I spin around and head into the economics room.

"So nice of you to join us Miss Norwell. Thought you were still in bed with our Prime Minister." Mrs. Goode sarcastically remarks as I walk in 5 minutes late. Seriously, Five minutes late deserves that comment? Unfortunately, I can't say anything back because one: it would be too explicit for the classroom, and two: if I sarcastically said "yes I was" someone would mishear it and tell everyone. I stroll up to the last seat in the back corner row, where I quickly put my head down. Why is it every time I think I am okay, someone pulls this shit?

Is he okay? Does he think about me? No, he probably doesn't, he has to run a country. But how did he feel after all this? I wonder if he is constantly in pain. Every question swarms my mind as I lay there absorbed in my own self-destructive thoughts.

"Miss Norwell?!" Mrs. Goode yells rather loudly above my desk. I jerk from my sleep, almost falling out of my chair.

"Yes Ma'am?" I sit up straight.

"Explain moral hazard to me." Mrs. Goode demands.

Ah, shit, I know this, I know this! I rack my brain trying to figure it out, "Uh, It's uh...something to do with hazardous morals?"

Mrs. Goode looks at me with a look that could kill, "Nice try Miss Norwell, perhaps Mr. Trudeau could help you understand economics next time you're with him."

The anger inside me is about to explode. Who the fuck does she think she is? I think as all eyes turn to me, awaiting my response. "Maybe he will." I retort as Mrs. Goode's beady eyes glare back at me. She turns and calls on another classmate to answer the question, I soon drown out her scratchy voice and go back to my depressing thoughts.

About halfway through the course I feel a wave of nausea hit me. Oh, not again. I squirm in my seat as I try to deal with the feeling quietly. Just breathe. Don't pay attention to it and it will go away. That phrase seems to be my life motto as of late. I take off my hoodie, thinking maybe that's why I'm nauseous - it doesn't help. I feel my body heave my throat forward once. This is NOT happening right now. I dash for the door. The bathroom is across the building. I look towards the exit and spring out. Just as I reach the outside, my stomach empties its contents.  I hear a camera 'click'. Oh, fuck me. I turn towards the noise and see a camera man hiding behind the bushes. I roll my eyes and ignore the dick that is hiding in the bushes as I continue to dry heave.

I walk home and get some cold water as soon as I walk in and lay on the couch. I instantly call Carley.

"Hey 'Liza, you're out early." Carley greets me through the phone.

"Yeah, well, I got sick." I explain as I turn on the news and -oh look - it's me.

"Again?" Carley's voice sounds a little more concerned. "You need to go to a doctor!"

"No, no, I'm fine. I'm probably just worrying about things too much." I allude to Justin.

"Wait!" Carley's voice comes to a conclusion about something. "Have you missed anything recently?"

I think about the question for a moment, "What do you mean?"

"Like have you missed anything important?" Carley asks again.

What the hell does she mean? "I have no clue what you're talking about." I confess.

"Have you miss your period!?" Carley basically screams into the phone.

Shit.

My heart drops. No,no,no,no. It's probably just an odd month. I go back an look at my calendar.

"Shit, Carls, I've missed it for 2 months." I feel a lump in my throat form.

"I'll be there in a little bit. Don't move." Carley replies and hangs up.

I feel tears begin to form. This was supposed to be behind me. All of this. What am I going to do? Do I tell him? Do I keep it? What do I do now? I begin to hyperventilate, I feel my lips and fingers go numb as I struggle to breathe normally.

--

"I'm here! I'm here!" Carley rushes in the door with three bags full of pregnancy tests.

I look at here with my tear stained face and stifle a laugh, "Carls, you really think we're going to need that many pregnancy tests?"

She begins throwing them at me as I continue to laugh, "Uh, YEAH! We are not risking a pregnancy scare with the Prime Minister's baby."