The Repents

Chapter 15: Wedding Gown

I think it was a nightmare. Cause it vanished just in a glimpse on an eye.
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I was on top of the world, when Chad proposed me for marriage. I couldn't believe that I was actually wearing my wedding gown, that I was a bride. His bride.
It was when I was standing in front of the mirror trying out my wedding dress a night before the big day. I certainly couldn't look myself as that would lead to a serious panic attack so instead I concentrated on my breathing.
"Oh, Mavis!" Mom gawked at me with her eyes welded up in tears.
"My baby, my little princess. Look at you grow so fast. You look beautiful. May you stay blessed," she exclaimed.
"Mama, please don't cry," I said as tears welled up in my eyes too.
Even though, marrying Chad was a dream come true; practically thinking he gave me a new life, a reason to live again and I loved him for his extreme support & care. I still got upset at the idea of leaving my parents, my brothers. I would miss every minute I spent with them. I would miss my house, the laughter of me playing with my brothers, all those crazy teasings. My family is the most precious thing in the world to me.

As I lost in thoughts, dad entered the room, "Oh my God, is that Mavis?" He said surprisingly.
"You look great sweetheart. Now you don't want Chad waiting tomorrow. We have to be at the Church at sharp 9." Dad was very excited and yet tried to hide his emotions, he was being strong as he didn't want to cry. He kissed me on my forehead and left me alone to myself. No sooner did the door close, there was a knock at the window. It was Chad.
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"Beep..... Beep..... Beep...." went the machines attached to my body.
There I lay in my white wedding gown deeply stained with splashes of Chad's blood. The life had no reason now. It had certainly nothing to fight for. Such miseries to a heart are absolutely something that shakes you to the core.
My rose beds filled with nothing but thorns. The clusters and lump of agony in my throat screaming to come out 'more pain' says my heart the pounding of my brain killing me. My helpless life laughs at me once again. I am not strong enough.
When I turn back I wonder how I was, wonder how I survived all that, how I survived with people always letting go of me.
I was always a second option. But I had my right on my share of happiness, didn't I?
I don't want to be an option anymore, I just wanted someone to truly love me, to smile for me, was that too much to ask for?
I just wanted someone to care for me...... But all I see now is dark mist blinding me and the gushing of air that goes into my eyes causing tears; no wonder they are tears of blood.... Drop by drop, blink by blink making it worst. Where do I go?
Where will all this lead me to?
To more nothingness, to more pain and agony.....?
Fake smiles? I became an expert at that, then why did Chad come, was I that bad to make him go this far?
I wanna hear that voice again, which made my day and made all the worries run away. But this mist, this leads to nothing but more blindness, nothing but end. The end of everything. The end of me.
...... As I lay there, I had a feeling that time was passing and that life would miraculously end somehow. I couldn't remember how long it had been since the eyes closed.
Was it always this dark?
Surely, as a rule, some little bit of light would filter down through the clouds, through the chicks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground.
Not tonight. Tonight the sky was pitch black. Perhaps, there was no moon tonight - or lunar eclipse.
It was for a really long time before I heard someone shouting my name. I was muted, muffled by the wet growth that surrounded me, but it was definitely my name. I didn't recognise the voice. I thought of answering but I was dazed, and it took a long time till I finally realise that I should answer. It was like someone was searching for me. By then, the calling had stopped.
Sometime later, something woke me up. Not awake, but conscious, my eyes were still closed. I don't think I'd rather fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with my strength to the numbness that kept me from realising what I didn't want to know.
The voice came again. At first, it was just a dim glow reflecting off something in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. The light broke through my eyes as the light blinded me.

"Mavis?"
The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition.
"Have you been hurt?"
I knew those words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point ? My eyes regained their focus as consciousness came back to existence in my life.
"Mavis, my name is Prim Grenade. I'm your doctor."
There was nothing familiar about his name.
"Dave, couldn't come inside."
I realised he knew my dad, with him saying his name so frankly.
Dave? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying. Dad mattered, if nothing else did.
It didn't seem like too much time passed before there were lights and deep babble of male voices. My senses were slowly coming into position and now I could hear, see properly.
Dr. Grenade went out, " she's awake." He called in a booming voice.
The babble ceased and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Dr. Grenade's voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, I couldn't see anyone, perhaps, I didn't want to. Dr. Grenade carefully examined me.
"No, I don't think she's hurt," he told someone. "She just keeps saying he's gone"
Was I saying that out loud? I bit my lip.
"Mavis, honey are you alright?"
That was one voice I would know anywhere - even distorted, as it was now, with worry.
"Dad?" My voice sounded strange & small.
"I'm right here, baby."
"Are you hurt, Mavis?" Dr. Grenade asked me the same question again. It took me a minute to think that through.
Have you been hurt?
Dr. Grenade was waiting. One grizzled eyebrow rose, and wrinkles on his forehead deepened.
"I'm not hurt," I lied.
The words were true enough for what he asked.
His warm hand touched my forehead, and his fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist. I watched his lips as he counted to himself, his eyes on his watch.
Dorothy was there with Jessica. My mom; watched me more surreptitiously than the strangers.
"Chad?" I mumbled.
Dorothy bursted into tears.
"I want to see him, please!" I demanded.
"You can't honey. You're too weak." Dad protested.
"I have to."
I forced my head up lumpishly it hurt so bad and I went numb but I fought against it. I had to see him. I struggled to remove the drips in my arm.
"Okay! Wait! Don't take that off." Dr. Grenade insisted.
He led me to a room. I was in my white frock, my wedding gown spotted deeply with blood. Chad and I chose it for our wedding.
On a stretcher, lay Chad with his eyes closed in his tuxedo, looking so mesmerising. His eyes at peace. I hugged his body and cried out loud, kissed his eyes which would never open again......!