The Repents

Chapter 17: Santiago de Compostela ✨

As the bright sunshine creeped into my room, through the window, gently pecking my eyes. I opened them and lousily looked at the clock to learn time. To my knowledge it was 6:00am. I was late!
I jumped off the bed a d dressed up in my sweatshirt and a baggy trouser with a pair of comfy sneakers. I hurriedly stuffed my backpack with some clothes and other required stuff and set for Eric's house. I knew Gloria would be mad but also that Eric would wait.
When I reached there, I knew I was busted. I could see Anna, Mia, Eric, James, Cesar, Oliver and Gloria with an angry look. I was extremely enthralled to see Harry standing with Eric. I thought it first to be a hallucination but as I got closer, it was definitely him.
" Mavis! You slow-pants! We've been waiting for 30 minutes..... I told you to be on time." Said Gloria irritated.
"I'm sorry guys, I overslept."
" It's okay, Mavis.... I'm glad to see you here," Eric smiled at me. He was one of our friends who always tried to cheer me up and he'd been trying to bring me back.
"Should we get going?" James began.
Harry eyed me, expecting some response from me.
" Hello, Mavis." He said.
"Hello, Harry." I replied mikishly.
"You guys know each other?" Eric looked at us surprized.
It had been 4years since University started and 5years since I moved to Bunol. 5 long years since he ever meant something to me.
" Well, know her I think.... A little too well." He tried to be the cat's paw for somebody behind the scenes.
We were to begin an adventurous trip, and now I think it'll be a little too long. I sighed.
The plan was to go Santiago, but the major twist was the fact that we couldn't afford plane tickets and so we were to travel 940kms on bicycles!
I wasn't aware of the whole plan but I couldn't back out now. We were to stop occasionally and set up camps. Well that could be fun!
Atleast dad would know that I'm socializing. The main question was: What is Harry doing here? 5 years no contact and suddenly appearing out of nowhere.
Gloria thought this trip was impossible obviously and tried to contradict the plan, she wasn't comfortable with Eric giving me all the attention as he was her boyfriend. Somehow everyone managed to convince her.
As we set off for the journey, everyone was very excited except Gloria who kept complaining. She kept bringing stuff like : how she would be able to survive without her everyday massage creams which she forgot at home.
As we paddled, the night set and Cesar thought we should stop before its too dark, we set up our camps near an area where we could see some setup shops.
Everyone sat around a bonfire. We had our sleeping bags. I sat just outside the camp while everyone else was close to the fire.
The huge hole inside my chest was back. Harry came to sit next to me, while Eric and Gloria sat together. Daniel, Mia and Oliver sat by the fire while James strum the guitar and Cesar put more woods into the fire. The atmosphere was all romantic and was very itchy to me. Lot many flashbacks came through my mind. I remember a night like this with Chad.
Harry's presence suprizingly didn't matter like it did once. Chad's memory was a crippling thing, the sensation that a huge hole had been punching through my chest, excising my most vital organ and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edge that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lung must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing.
My heart must've been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.
"Mavi? I mean, Mavis are you okay?" Asked Harry moving closer.
"Yea, I'm fine." I moved back a little.
He noticed my denial, staring at the fire he said, " I heard about what happened." He turned to examine my reaction, I stood still.
"You could've called atleast."
"Chad.... Umm Harry," I stammered with the names as tears weld up in my eyes.
"Mavis! I know I left but I was always there when you needed me. We were friends before all this."
"Dad called you, didn't he?
"What? No. No he didn't. I was worried about you.....
"I'm tired, Harry," I cut him short. "I need to sleep."
I stood up to go inside my tent before he could speak.
I found that I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain- the aching loss that radiated out of my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head - but it was manageable. I could live through this. Live with Chad's memories. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it.
Whatever it was that happened today - it had woken me up. For the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to expect the next morning.
The next day began with the morning sunshine, the way to Santiago was more like a barren desert with a few exceptions that it had a road where no-one really come through. We would occasionally see huts, selling water or food item. As the sun was at its peak we stopped at one of those for food. We all sat down in the scorching heat of the desert and had some snacks.
I still hadn't been able to sink back into my protective shell of numbness, and everything seemed oddly close and loud today, like I'd taken cotton out of my ears. I tried to tune out all those laughing chitchats without success. Harry, tried to converse time and again to which I simultaneously acted by turning to talk to someone else.
The journey seemed to be never-ending. At night everyone was dog-tired so we set up out tents and made it comfy for ourselves but Gloria was as always expressing her dissatisfaction that what if an insect bit her.
"I'm not staying here any longer, Eric," she insisted. "If you guys have to I'll go back on my own!" She was really angry.
We tried to ignore her constant bickering and tried to relax, while Eric tried to calm her.
Night fell deep, and eventhough I was tried I couldn't sleep. So, I took a blanket and went out of my tent. Staring at the stars.
Tonight, the stars were hidden behind the dark clouds. Well, that didn't mean that they couldn't see me. They say that all the good souls turn into stars, I was trying to Chad who was the purest soul of all. I felt like he was always watching me from up there. It's just me who couldn't see him.
The wind seemed happy. It's been celebrating all night. And the sky lit itself up every now and then as the clouds play a beautiful melody. I don't know what made all this happy. Was it me, or all this was actually happening?
The stars, they've got passes to watch the musical concert. From where I watched, it seemed as if every particle of the air around me is buzy creating magic. I could feel it in the air I breathe. It was like Chad. He was trying, to bring me back to life.
I look above me as the sky illuminated again. In that fleeting moment, when the light travels between the clouds making its way down the Earth, before it disappears again, I swear I could see a glimpse if heaven. The last stroke of that light, as it kisses the sky in hurry saying farewell, shows an opening to the other world; a world of wonder, a world where fairytales come to life.
I didn't believe in fairytales anymore, God had punished me for something I did very very wrong. I don't know why I was facing such damnation.
The whole scenario was so heart touching that even the sky oozed with tears as the show moves towards the end. I was actually begging for mercy. Those little drops of magic potions gave colour and life magic for me, something that would make this pain go away.
The whole show was appreciated by the rustling of leaves as they applaud the sky showers upon them the glittering essence of love and hope for a better tomorrow, of joy and happiness.
"It's really beautiful, right?" I was startled as I was lost into somewhere; another would I suppose. It was Harry again.
"Don't walk away, Mavis."
"Harry, I don't have strength, to argue or fake or pretend," I cried. "I can't answer."
"You need not to, I just want your pain to go away."
"It wont go this easily, its gonna go when it wants to."
"Mavis, you know I know you a little too well."
"Harry, you knew me. You don't know me. You don't know anything. It was Chad who was there.When u left me broken and stabbed, sobbing."
"Mavi, I'm sorry. I want to fix things. I am regretting."
"Regretting?" I laughed. "Regretting what? I don't even remember anything. I'm a new person now. I cant afford to be broken again."
"I wont break you. I want to heal you. I know you had a great loss. I could see how badly you were....."
"You saw? What did you see? You know nothing okay. And why? Why did you come here?"
"For you. I want another chance."
"Chance?" I raised my eyebrow.
"Yeah! To prove things.... to fix what I did wrong."
"You don't have to.... I'm okay."
"Chad..... I've heard that he was a great man. I know how he...."
Tears welded up in my eyes, "I can't help it."
"He's gone. He would want you to live your life.....He would want you to stay happy. You think he's happy out there when you're sulking?" He put an arm around me, and I knelled my head on his shoulder while tears escaped there way out of my eyes.
"You need to let go and live."
"I'm trying," I sobbed. "This doesn't mean you have a chance."
"Let me help."
"Help me then. Bring back the life. I just cant get broken again. Love doesn't suit me."
"First, stop pitying yourself."
"Hmm.... I should go and sleep."
"You should..... And do me a favour, don't think. I miss your cheeky smile."
"It will come back someday, I hope." I smiled and went in.