The Repents

Chapter 20: Life's worth living

"Life is a countless complex motion. Different people have different views about it. Well, life is worth living so live it right." Mr. Vernon ended his lecture giving his all time famous smile. I felt dilapidated as next was Trigonometry and I sucked at it. The only reason to join this was avoid 'Romantic History.'
Apart from work, I had a great socialising break together with a family weekend. All my relatives were delighted to see me but still gossiped about my loss and it annoyed me. Some old traditional aunts talked about me thinking of marrying.
They asked my mother to think of it. My mother, rationally thinking avoided all that as she was waiting for the right time. She thought I was too young to sulk like this, she thought I would fall in love again. I don't think so, but she did.
My aim is to understand love. I know how alive I felt when I was in love, and I know that everything I have now, however interesting it might seem, doesn't excite me.
But love is a terrible thing : they used to laugh at my innocence and now they ask me how I can manage all this. I smile and say nothing, because I know that the remedy is worst then pain; I simply don't feel in love. With each day passing, I see more clearly, how fragile people are, how inconstant, insecure and surprizingly they are.
Although my aim is to understand love, and although I suffer ti think of people to whom I gave my heart. I learned that people always leave and that the world we dwell in is mere lust. Beauty never lasts......
     Everything tells me that I'm about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks? Does a girl always need a man shadow to protect her?
      I made my first mistake when I was ten years old; my first crush, I don't even know if it was a crush. When a boy asked me if I could lend him a pencil. It was like to lend him my heart; since then, I've realized that sometimes you get no second chance and that it's beat to accept the gifts the world offers you. Of course it's risky, but was it worth me standing in the hallway wearing my wedding gown while my future husband died?
    If I must be faithful to someone or something, that I have, first of all, to be faithful to myself. If I'm looking for true love, which I don't think exists for me, I first have to get rid of the mediocre loves out of my system.