His Dark Materials

Plastic Memories

It all seemed commonplace to her: the recurring event of Clary darting blindly through the unknown. Her eyes were scintillating with some sort of halfway hope. Tenacity and determination was plastered to her face, written boldly by her fierce expression. The willpower that filled her had almost overcome the power of the rune, the rune which damned her of overwhelming devotion to her brother, her blood; her lover. The journey through the endless labyrinth brought back memories of anew, it had been not long ago she had been through the same passages before crashing into Sebastian and embracing in a fiery fervent kiss. Clary gave a disapproving gesture and swung her head back and forth in denial, acknowledging that any romantic thoughts of Sebastian may encourage the rune to take advantage of her vulnerability.

It was easier this time, finding her way through the maze of corridors and rooms. The time which had seemed endless and dragging now raced along beside her. Time was flying; and she was flying with it. Her previous anxieties and doubts which held her back had fled, replaced by those of excitement and adrenaline. Clary was ready to leave: to leave Edom, to leave Sebastian and was ready to get her life back. As if only a few minutes had passed, she found her way to the bottom of the ruined tower and back to the crumbling door which lead to the outside. A flicker of wonder crossed her face in awe to be outside again, she pushed at the deteriorating door. Clary grunted as she shoved with all her might, the door was well budged into its stone frame and did not seem like it would move anytime soon. Ironically, she had been the one to close it earlier, so this had been her own doing.

Pausing for though, Clary twiddled and twirled the stele she had snatched off Jace between her fingertips.
"Got it."
Her mind clicked and she came to realization beginning to draw on the door using his stele.
The door budged. She was free. Yet instead of being greeted by the comfort and brightness of daylight, Clary was welcomed by the twilight moon glistening and beckoning its mysterious yet captivating radiance. She thought it was strange how Edom resembled many things of the real world; of Idris. Dumbfounded by her curious thoughts, the sight of the painted sky embodied the feelings of serenity and tranquillity despite her situation. The tremendous size and beauty of the sky made all her mundane problems seem trivial. Slowly at first, Clary stepped out of the tower and shifted towards the crumbling wall from earlier. She began to lay out her plan of what was to happen next: was she to return to her room and wait for Sebastian? Was she to hunt him down and find him? Or was she to wait and be hunted and found?
"Maybe," Clary thought to herself, "it would have been best if I had stayed with the group."

Instantly, a feeling of unease spread across Clary. She twitched at the close audible crunch of dirt and ground beneath the large footsteps of a silhouette making its way towards her. It was hidden in the darkness, the moonlight ceased to touch it, casting a shadow which took easy steps. The shadow resembled a well-built masculine figure, it was evident that he was strong. With no weapon in her possession, Clary poised her stele and clenched her fist in an attempt to defend herself. Gasping, she readied herself to pounce on the silhouette. It emerged from the obsidian darkness where it hid.
At once, Clary fell weak in the knees. Her poised and held arms fell limp to her side, her small hands timidly holding onto the stele which seemed to almost fall from her loose grasp. She felt herself crumble.
"Jace," she let out in a small, loving cry.

Jace paused at his tracks, glancing down at Clary. His face was soft, as were his eyes which were fixed on hers. Clary's mouth curved into a gentle smile, the corners of her eyes were damp, forming sweet silver tears which enhanced her green eyes.
"H-how did you follow me?" She began, panting with joy. "I'm so happy you did. Oh Jace, we can leave this place together. We can rid of Sebastian once we find him and run. I should have never said yes to being his Queen. I should have killed him when I had the chance. I-"
Clary stopped, noticing she had blabbered on and Jace had not spoken at all.
"Jace?"
Clary's eyes jumped from Jace's eyes, to his figure and back up. She recalled Jace had been much filthier the last she saw of him - which had only been a matter of moments - she recalled how his face had been painted with mousy dirt and splattered with drops of dark rouge blood. Additionally, he had been bruised and beaten. Scars and shades of purple which stained his face and body had vanished. He seemed too clean.

"Clarissa," Jace spoke in an oddly low tone.
A shiver of fear rushed through her at the sound of Jace calling her by her full name. His eyes glared down at the small bump at her lower half. She raised her hands shakily to stop him from going on.
"Look Jace, I know this seems crazy but it's alright." She tried to convince. "I'm terrified, seriously, but as long as we have each other we'll be alright-"
"Clarissa I can't be with you."
Her composure fell and arms dropped mechanically down to her sides. Bowing her head low, Clary stared blankly at the ground beneath her, a patter of painful tears created little puddles on the floor and she felt a lump grow in her throat, prohibiting her of speech.
"How can I be with someone," Jace spat wickedly, "as disgusting as you."
Clary flinched at his harsh words, taking interest in how she responded to him; he continued.

"You are disgusting Clary. I loved you, waited for you, and as soon as I was gone you used the opportunity to get with your brother. You are a monster. And you're holding a monster inside you. If you expect me to be yours and come running back; forget it."
Clary darted her eyes up at him, in a sudden flame of anger.
"You don't understand." She tried to explain herself, "Sebastian had me-"
"Moaning?" Jace snarled. "Forgetting I even existed? Sebastian had you as his Queen? I don't care. You make me sick. I will never love you Clary. You're a user and a whore and if you expect me to stay with you and raise a monster. I won't. I'll kill it. Just like I'll kill you and Sebastian when I have the chance."
Anguish and hate boiled inside her holding hands with sorrow and heartache. She was truly broken.

All her loving memories she had treasured with Jace, all their moments she had kept close to her and she had been so thankful for remembering, turned to plastic. Her love had died inside, it had disappeared into oblivion. Her love was plastic. Through all the pain- physical and psychological- she had been challenged with in Edom. Through all her breakdowns and descents into darkness; this destroyed her most. Jace's words had struck her so painfully; it was almost indescribable. It afflicted her and created a surreal physical pain in her chest. A ball of regret and resentment. Her raw throat felt inflamed and words seemed a burden, better unspoken. Although it all felt unreal, and Clary sensed something was not right- but she gave into her inner emotions and wept. Her tears of sorrow were tinted with a flourish of rage. A rage which encouraged his spiteful words to replay in her mind.
"Monster."
"Whore."
"Disgusting."

Suddenly, Jace lunged forward at Clary. His hands grabbing at her sides and holding her in place. His hands were rough to the touch, Clary squirmed in his harsh grip in a futile attempt to free herself. The troglodytic force he applied surprised Clary as she never imagined Jace would hurt her in such a way and was reminiscent of the way in which Sebastian would hold her. Paralyzed with shock, she struggled to move herself.
"Clarissa Fairchild-"
Jace was thrown back by Clary thrusting her head forward and knocking it into his own, the hard thump of their skulls crashing forced Jace to release Clary and rub at his sore and throbbing head. Clary took this opportunity to give one finally blow, roughly and messily kicking him in the shins. This once again reminded her of a similar incident with Sebastian from long, long ago.

"No Jace Herondale," Clary said breathlessly. "I loved you. I waited for you and while I waited for you there was a psychopath, a rune and an inevitable ending. I'd like to think this isn't you or something is in you, but honestly: I don't know what to believe anymore."
With that, Clary sighed, regained her composure and continued on her journey. Her journey to leave; even if she would not get her life back entirely. She walked passed Jace, ignoring his presence and scurried off into the distance - not taking notice of the wicked smirk which spread across Jace's face.