To knock or not to knock.
My hand stopped midair above my head then I dropped again… for the fourth time.
I’ve been standing infront of a door with 504 carved at the center which I’ve been staring at for almost half an hour.
I mean, why am I even being such a wuss about this when all I have to do is knock on the door then have a nice, comfortable conversation with one of the guy inside this posh dorm room. Easy peasy right? So not true. I’m just saying this to ease my tension.
But I have no sense of idea why I’m totally feeling uneasy. It’s like something bad will happen. I know I’m being my paranoid self. What’s the worst thing that could happen? He could just kick me out of their room if he really doesn’t want to see or talk to me.
Is that the worst thing he can do? He’s Rupert. He never tried to hurt me before, not emotionally and most definitely not physically.
Since our little run down yesterday, I tried to think of reasons that may cause a sudden change of attitude from him towards me. Did he think I’m ignoring him that’s why he felt the need to avoid me? Did I say anything that may hurt him? Is he tired of having to be my knight and shining armour with my twisted life?
I even thought of stupid reasons like maybe he’s out of songs to sing to me that’s why to less humiliate himself, he just have to avoid me so he can find and learn new songs or maybe he thought his gift he gave me is not good on me so to make me realize it in a less painful way, he just ignored me.
Those are soooooo stupid and childish reasons, I know, and I’ve been making a lot more of it up until now.
I heaved a heavy sigh and slapped myself to cut my annoying thoughts. Argh. This is so frustrating!
It’s never easy when someone important to your life is having a grudge towards you and worse is that you can’t even pinpoint a reason of why they’re mad. You felt so guilty even if you have no idea what you’ve done wrong.
I will try to make this right. I’ve already loss the love of my life and I will try my very best to save my friendship with his brother ‘coz I know Rupert is worth the friendship I gave.
And speaking of the love of my life. I didn’t see him yesterday as I didn’t go to the exhibit, that stupid rain won’t let me go outside of the library. But I really have no plan on going ‘coz depression sunk my whole being after my encounter with Rupert. Maybe, it’s the right thing to do since he’ll just made fun of my awkwardness and innocence. And he might claim that I’m his girlfriend once again, or maybe I would love that. Who am I kidding? Of course I love that! But I can’t blame him, a lot of ladies with raging hormones will be there.
I can’t help but feel irritated just thinking about the girls and their itchy hands who can’t keep it from going around Raf. I should’ve been there and use my claw on them! Oh god! I’m getting violent.
I cursed myself for even feeling like this… like a jealous, possessive, abusive girlfriend!
Then I cursed more for being a coward. I’ve been talking and having an argument with myself that I’ve been delaying what I should have done thirty minutes ago!
Another deep breathing… then another… then another… then…
Scarlet! Stop it!
Thanking my annoying voice silently, I stood straight then very slowly raised my hand and situated it infront of the door. Gently, I knocked two times.
Silence.
Another knock, thrice this time.
No response.
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CERTIFIED GIRL FAG
عاطفيةI'm Scarlet Rose Brooks, a girl who never intended nor expected to fall inlove with a guy who's beyond my expectations. I've been in love with my best friend for four years now... and counting. But the thing is, my best friend? Well... He's gay. A h...
