Lovesick. - Tronnor ✔️

1.

Lσνєѕιcĸ, вυт ѕσ ѕιcĸ σғ ℓσνє

-

How many lovesick poems can I write before it's over, when it's safe and I can hold you in my arms? how long? Because I'm so sick, I'm so damn lovesick. The kind of sick that books describe as green, ghostly skinned, with red rust noses. Sick to my stomach like when you wake up at 2 am and realize that something is not right before you sprint down the hall to the bathroom. When you're feeling awfully ill, and you've got serious symptoms of withdrawal, your fever burning like a nasty flu. My heart is racing back and forth, to one pace it won't stick, it won't relax, I think I might be lovesick. On the verge of breaking because you are the fire to my wick, I couldn't imagine a world without you, I think I might be lovesick. I don't want to drown among all of these lovesick poets, who write about love all day and brag about butterflies. But what do you do when those butterflies are poisonous? They never tell. They don't know what it's like, to be but so sick of love. The obsessive need to have love reciprocated turns to heartache. Love's a disease and I'm under the weather but, it's the only sickness that makes you feel better.

-

I picked at my lunch, trying to get the cheese off my toasted bread but still leaving the ham on. I still don't know why people ever thought that combination would work on something other than pizza. I tried to get the cheese on my fork by sticking it into the corners of the cheese, I pulled, in vain. The little corner broke off and I had an even lesser chance this would ever work out. Bethany, who was sitting beside me, sighed deeply,

'Connor just leave it, it's never going to work.' she stated, eyeing my food. I threw her a dead stare, then I raised one eyebrow pedantically as I pointed with my fork with the cheese at her.

'Never give up on your dreams'

Bethany rolled her eyes, probably wondering why she even was my best friend in the first place. And then a slight grin appeared on her face.

'Look at you two lovebirds' a teasing low voice sounded. Bethany and I both quickly turned our heads to the direction that stupid statement had come from, but of course, it was Caspar Lee. We both shot him a meaningful glance.

'How many times do we have to tell you, we are just friends.' Bethany said pointedly, slightly annoyed. 'Best friends,' I corrected her and I pulled her towards me in a forced hug. She laughed, 'Yeah, and Connor here is like.. '

'Strictly dickly, yeah I know' Caspar finished, gazing at the ground disappointedly. I shrugged, 'Sorry' I stated with a helpless smile on my face.

'okay.. but I can still ship it' Caspar stated, trying to comfort himself. Bethany and Caspar were the only people I had come out to besides my family. They picked it up really well and honestly I don't think they were surprised, especially Bethany had probably known since we met.

I didn't really feel like telling anyone else. I didn't need to go around wearing nailpolish like some others did. This one weird kid, named Troye Mellet, had openly come out . He lived next door to me actually, but I barely saw him. He was almost never at school, missing at least 2 days a week."because of sickness' they said. Nobody really believed that though. Rumors had been going around that he spent those days in rehab, or doing community service.How those rumors had spread? I didn't know. But it did show that no one believed his absence was because of sickness.

But anyway, he claimed to be very lowkey about his sexuality and yet the whole town knew. My mom got flipping excited when she heard it from Troye's mom, immediately planning on setting us up together, and well I think she had the wedding already all planned out when I told her I didn't want to date that boy, I also had to beg her not to tell Troye's mom about my sexuality and luckily she respected that.

It was kind of odd though, our parents were best friends and we lived next to each other but yet me and Troye never talked. Don't get me wrong, his low social status had nothing to do with his sexuality, he was just.. different. An outsider, one of those weird kids who sit in a circle on the field during lunchbreak and play music no one asked them for when me and the boys just wanted to play soccer. And I knew that if I came out, I would be associated with that, with him. And I didn't want that.

'Connor' Bethany poked me in my flank, causing me to jump back into reality again. 'Pay attention, Caspar has new gossip!' she said excitedly. My eyes lit up as I looked at the cheeky grin that covered Caspar's face. I was such a sucker for gossip, and Caspar always had the best since he was on the football team with all the "popular guys" who partied and did cool things and bragged about how much booty's they had tapped, to state it nicely.

I was on the swim team though, with all the chill people, so we had our occasional spilling of tea as well. Same goes for the cross county team I was on.

'So, apparently, Zoe and Marcus kissed, and Alfie has no clue' he said, his eyes darting between me and Beth as both our jaws dropped.

'No way..' Bethany uttered surprised, but also a slight tone of excitement.

'Seriously?' I said in disbelief. If there was anyone you'd expect to be loyal it would be Zoe Sugg, but with those innocent blue eyes she would be able to fool the devil.

'Aw.. Cas, wasn't that your dream though? To break up Zalfie?' Bethany teased , aiming to make Caspar uncomfortable because of his slight weak spot for the gorgeous girl. Caspar's face turned a bright shade of red, I looked at Bethany.

'Don't make him uneasy Beth, I need more tea in my life' In fact, this was the only kind of tea I liked, furthermore I was more of a coffee person. I looked at Caspar again to hint that he could go on. He leaned a bit closer to us, meaning the people he was going to talk about with us were sitting near us.

'Lilly and Tyler took each other's virginity last year so they both would just have it over with' Caspar whispered softly. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened, Bethany beside me gasped.

'You can't be serious..' I uttered softly. 'Say that again' Bethany said, her eyes almost popping out of her head. We both looked at the table beside us, Tyler and Lilly were laughing together. They had been friends since 4th grade.

'But isn't Tyler like.. strictly dickly as well?' Bethany wondered out loud. 'Probably' I stated. There was just no way that boy was straight. He was as straight as an uncooked noodle. But maybe that's why they did it, for Tyler to know for sure and for Lilly to just not be so scared anymore.

'And the last cup of tea.. When Troye fainted yesterday, he was on drugs' Caspar said, looking around to see if he could spot the boy, but to nobody's surprise; he wasn't there. My eyes widened for the third time in three minutes,

'What?! seriously?!' I exclaimed. Caspar nodded his head,

'Yup, according to Jim, who helped him, his pupils were big and his eyes were red. Even though it was obvious, the boy kept denying ever using drugs' Caspar stated in a matter-of-fact manner.

'Holy fuck' I uttered as I tried to wrap my head around the idea of the, according to my mom, oh so lovely boy. 'such a nice kid you should talk to him more' she had stated, probably 20 times the past week. I didn't know that had a particular reason, but it did.

------

SO I'M BACK! with a new fanfic, again, when I still haven't finished the other one, I just got way too excited about this one, so I started writing this one. I have already written quite a lot of chapters so don't be afraid this will stop after 5 chapters like Voices Through These Walls, I do hope to finish that one one day but I just got ideas that were way better and exciting. Also, please bare with me as I try to upgrade the cover of this. IM HUMAN OK? :'D

Anyway, I hope you are as excited as I am for this one! (I even wrote smut omg I'm such a sinner)

love

-J