Lovesick. - Tronnor ✔️

12.

I didn't want to go to school at first, but mom suggested it was a great way to take my mind off things.I was late for class, but it didn't matter. Nothing really mattered. I just opened the door, looked Mrs. Rienks dead in the eye causing the blood to drain from her face. She was basically crawling under her desk if that meant not facing me, and I walked to my seat. I felt everyone's eyes on me, but they didn't get to me. Not like they usually would. It was wrong of me to take advantage of the sweet Mrs. Rienks, I actually really liked her but she was so easy to intimidate.

I didn't say a word to Bethany who was sitting next to me. I wanted to tell her but I just couldn't. Then, half-way through class the principal barged into our classroom. 'Excuse me, Mrs. Rienks, can I steal some of your time?' he said, a bit hastily. Mrs Rienks nodded, of course she wouldn't say no to the principal, but she wouldn't even say no to a scouts boy. Principal Howell turned to us.

'So, you may have noticed your classmate, Troye Mellet, isn't at school a lot.' He started, looking around to see if everyone was following him. Everyone slowly processed what he had said, the way teenagers do; slow, then all at once. Oh no..

'Yeah, because of his drug addiction right?' someone chanted, it was Kian Lawley, a vicious smirk covered his face. A wicked glimmer in his eyes as all heads turned to him.

'Drug addiction? I heard he was doing community service!' Yousef chanted from the other side of the classroom. All heads immediately turned to him. I clenched my teeth and fists, 21.. 22.. Stay calm Connor, stay calm

'Oh well, does it matter? He's a filthy faggot anyway' Bryan Le shouted through the classroom.I stiffened and my face muscles tensed. It fell silent, some people sniggered. A few dared to grin. But most people were looking at the principal to see if Bryan would be in trouble. Except for Bethany, she looked at me to see if I was okay. I just kept staring straight forward.

It was boiling inside of me, if they just knew! If they just fucking knew! I wanted to stand up and yell at them, and then punch some sanity into Bryan as I fucking beat his ass. But of course I didn't. I didn't have the balls. The principal ignored the hateful comments, and went on with his announcement, they would get their karma.

'Yesterday I received a devastating call from his parents, Troye went under a scan and they discovered a tumor in his brain.'

'.......'

If you dropped a needle you would hear it hit the ground. There was a cold silence. 23.. 24.. 'oh my god' one girl uttered. Others gasped as they realized what the principal had just said. Bethany looked at me. My eyes were welling up, I kept staring straight forward trying not to hear everything, trying to zone out, disappear while still being there.

'Con..' she whispered. I shrugged trying to get the message across. Slowly but surely a reaction in the class started to form. One girl started crying, because her mom once had a brain tumor too and she didn't survive. With her crying, her best friend started crying too. Some boys were whispering that they never saw how hard the poor boy was struggling. How brave he was for still being here the days he was.

'We should write a card, all of us should write a personal message.' One girl proposed. Everyone nodded in agreement. Everything to make Troye Mellet feel better as if they had been friends with him for the past 12 years. As if they weren't the ones to spread false rumors about him, call him names and deny his existence. My nails were digging in the palms of my hands.

'Hypocrites' I whispered. It felt like fume was coming out of my ears.

'What?' Bethany asked, I told you she hears everything. I turned around, facing the class.

'FUCKING HYPOCRITES!' I yelled. My voice on the verge of breaking. I stood up,

'One second you're calling him a filthy faggot, then the next second you hear he's fucking dying, and suddenly you care, and it's poor Troye' I stated, looking around, looking people directly into their eyes, engraving the guilt in their souls.

'Yes, he struggled every day but you fucking idiots didn't make that any better for him, did you?! You're all hypocrites. You're all stupid, obnoxious, immature assholes!' I yelled. I wished Troye was there to see it, he would have loved it. Every damn second.

Everyone looked at me with widened eyes as the first tear rolled down my cheek, suddenly I felt suffocated by their oblivious gazes. Their numb eyes piercing through my body as if they could make you just as stupid as they were if they stared at you long enough.

I stormed out the classroom, down the hall, turning left, and then I slid down against the wall next to my locker. I tried to catch my breath. That didn't work out and I started too hyperventilate, I couldn't deal with this. With these people. Black spots started to appear on my vision, my palms were sweaty. Coming to school was a bad idea, I should have never..

'Connor' Bethany walked towards me, her face full of concern as she saw me having a panic attack. She knelt down next to me and rubbed circles on my back as she told me to breathe calmly, up to the point where I was only just crying. She hugged me,

'Hey.. what's going on?' she asked worried. She didn't understand my outburst, because I never told her how amazing the trip was with him, how amazing he was. And to just burst out like that in front of the most popular guys and the principal was out of character for me. I pulled away from the hug and wiped my tears away.

'He called me yesterday' I explained. Bethany frowned,

'why-'

'He's amazing Beth, he's beautiful, kind, funny and so fucking strong. I'm in love Beth,' I utter, smiling through my tears. 'I'm in love. Yes, before you ask any further questions, yes we kissed, and yes other stuff happened. But that's not what matters right now. He's sick.' I rambled, admitting things I hadn't even said to myself out loud yet.

Bethany looked startled, but knew her full understanding wasn't as required as her support. She hugged me again. 'It'll be alright Con..'

'We don't know that for sure' I whispered through my tears.

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I'm in Greece guys, I don't think I' ll have a lot of time to write since my parents like active holidays so I'm really genuinely sorry :(

In 10 days or smth I' ll be in the same place for a week so then I do have time to write. I' ll try to write in the car on friday too!!

xo -J