Lovesick. - Tronnor ✔️

22.

On Tuesday I went to Urban Outfitters to pick out flannels and button ups for Troye, I also bought a few cozy vests for him, as the winter would be cold. As far as it can get cold where we live.. Okay I just really liked the idea of snuggling up to him in his cozy vests, with blankets by the fireplace, sipping hot chocolate. And we could make it a tradition, to give each other cozy vests for Christmas every year.

'That's a lot of flannels you got there' I heard a familiar voice. I looked up and my eyes met Kian Lawley. His cheeks were flushed red. Shit, I forgot he worked here. 'Don't you already own like 5 of those?' he asked, as if nothing ever happened between us and we were close acquaintances. I look at him with a slight frown. 

'They're not for me, but for Troye. I was actually just heading to the checkout' I turned around and attempted to walk away. This was weird. This didn't feel right.

 'I'm sorry' I heard. I turned back to Kian. 'For all the confusion.' He added, looking down at the ground. 'You're with Troye, I get it. I just needed to confess to make the weight on my shoulders go away' he stated, trying to look me in the eyes. He would stare past me on many occasions, as if my gaze hurt him. Maybe it did, it was all weird, but it wasn't negative.

 I nodded. 'Thanks Kian' I said, not knowing what else to say. Usually I know what to say to people but lately my mind has just been an absolute and consequent mess. 

My ringtone broke the silence. My phone was in my pocket but my arms were full with clothes. Kian kindly stretched his arms and took the clothes from me. I grabbed my phone. It was Laurelle. 

'Hi?' I said with a hopeful tone. 

'..Connor.. Troye just got out of the scan, one tiny part of his brain still lit up..' she said, her voice shaking. My stomach turned upside down. My jaw dropped. No.no.no. My breath hitched in my throat. 

'w..what can it be?" was all I could utter. They removed everything! They studied all those years to remove shit like this in one try. 

'Well, the neurosurgeon said he could have spilled some of the contrast liquid, but it could also be.. you know.. bad tissue.' She said, as if she was afraid of breaking me with the truth as if it hadn't broken her already. As if she had to protect me. My eyes welled up. Where the fuck was this story going? Where was the happy ending? Hadn't Troye already gotten enough slaps in the face already. 

'Oh Connor, the surgeon just walked in I have to go, I'll keep you posted.' And Laurelle hung up. I stood there for a few seconds, staring sheepishly at nothing. This wasn't real. This. was. Not. Real. This was all made up. They had to be playing a joke. The doctor had spilled. What kind of doctor spills? It only causes awful misunderstandings. 

Kian was gazing at me. 'Everything okay?' he asked, as if he was my best friend. I needed my best friend. But she wasn't here. I shook my head. 

'no.. not really' I swallowed a lump in my throat. Kian handed the clothes back to me. 

'If there's anything I can do for you just tell me, I owe you big time' yes you do. I nodded and softly said a thank you. Part of me wanted to ask for a hug but a different part of me despised him. My emotions were just all over the place. I needed to get out and take time for myself, get away from Kian. 

I bought the flannels and got home. I fell asleep. I always fall asleep when things are happening. It's peaceful. It numbs my mind, which I like. My mind can get pretty overworked.

 Later that night I got a call from Laurelle, she told me the neurosurgeon was almost sure he had just spilled a bit, he was 100% positive that he removed the whole tumor. That they saved my boyfriend. That they saved this boy that captured the whole universe in his eyes. It was okay, it was going to be okay. I kept telling myself that, to stop the stressing.