I'll Find You

Fourteen

We walked through the city. Memorials really covered the place. It seemed everywhere you went there was one in front or behind you. We sit on a bench and watch the lights dim in the city. "I always think about, what if I was frozen by myself? I'm so happy you're here. I needed you more than you know." Steve says, and I place my hand on his knee. We make eye contact and the smiling stops. I felt my heart begin to race and everything seemed to go slower. "Can I kiss you?"

I placed a hand on Steve's cheek and put my lips to his. It was time to get over Bucky. He wasn't coming back. This still felt wrong though. What was I doing? I broke off the kiss and leaned my forehead on his. I couldn't get Bucky out of my mind. He's always there.

"I know it's hard. They're always there." Steve says, and pulls back. "We should get back."

When we arrived back it seemed silent and awkward. I watched Steve as he carried dishes to the sink and rinsed them before putting them in the dishwasher. I stood in the doorway and began thinking. "Steve, I always think about him. But then I think, it's good to remember him, because in the end. They're the ones who need remembering." He walked closer and placed his hand in my hair before kissing me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer down to me. I felt my back push harder against the wall and his hand grabbed my thigh.

I pulled on the hem of his shirt and he pulled it off before meeting my lips again. We slid against the wall until we made it to his bedroom. He fell back on the bed and I crawled over him he pulled off my top and I kissed his neck and moved down. I heard him groan and smile a little. He turned me over and slowly pulled on my jeans until they came off. Our lips met again and I moved farther up on the bed. He kissed my neck mimicking what I'd done to him. Was Steve a virgin? I couldn't take his virginity. He deserved better.

"Evelyn." I heard him whisper and I came face to face with his eyes. His beautiful eyes. "I want you." He said and I nodded. I kissed his lips again and reached for his boner. I felt as his hand went into my underwear and pulled them down and off.

"Hold on." I said and grabbed a condom out of his drawer. I put it on him and kissed him again. His hands held my waist and we began. We moved together and felt each other continuously. I felt sweat drip from my forehead and he slowed down as he came. I breathed hard and so did he. He laid beside me and I cuddled into his chest. I focused on his heart beat. Is was calming to listen to him. I didn't know if we were just lonely or actually liked each other. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but I couldn't tell if I was ready to love again.

________

I woke up to sun beating down on the bed. I pulled the covers up and looked around, but he was gone. There was a note next to the lamp that said he went on a morning run. I smiled and pulled one of his t-shirts. It was baggier on me but covered everything that needed to be covered. I pulled on my underwear and walked to the kitchen to make some breakfast.

After a few minutes my bread popped up and I grabbed them from the toaster. I placed them on a plate and put jams on both sides. I heard the door open and close and in walked Steve. I smiled and so did he. "I made eggs, and toast." I said and he came closer.

"Thank you." He kissed the top of my head as we sat down at our table and watched the news. It was silent and awkward again. I knew we shouldn't have had sex.

"Do you want anything to drink?" I ask as I stand up and grab a glass from the kitchen.

"No thanks." He says as he eats his food. I walk back and sit down again. He coughs a little then smiles. "I made it awkward." He says and I raise an eyebrow. "You wouldn't have had sex with me if I hadn't said I wanted you. You know that. I like you Evelyn. I like you a lot. I don't want this to change though." I swallowed my bite of food and thought about what he said over and over.

"I wanted to do it too. It doesn't have to be awkward Steve, let's just keep this professional. That means no public displays of affection outside from our apartment. Okay?" I said and lifted up my water glass, he lifted his water bottle and we hit them together.

"Okay." He says, and begins smiling.