You sat there with your heart pounding, praying for something to happen; a meteor, an apocalypse, anything that will postpone what you're dreading but nothing happens. Nothing ever happens but usually you push through and maybe you will this time too. But as you look around with vision slowly blacking out it dawns on you that maybe you really can't this time, maybe this will be the first time you can't control it. Your friends, not friends anymore, acquaintances sat around you and said words of encouragement when you whispered "I can't.". The two words you were afraid to say so far, the words you pushed away as it clawed at you from the inside; "I can't". You look at the disappointment and feel a magnified amount of it yourself. You choke back and wait for the opportunity and go to the bathroom and you let the tears you've been choking back for so long flow. It poured and poured onto the knuckles forced into your mouth to keep it shut. It poured down your arms on to the tiled and soiled floor; " I can't". Your friends, not anymore, acquaintances promise you that this doesn't change anything but to you it does. For you this marked the spot where the slope became too steep to balance. The point where you tumbled and fell rolling towards your worst nightmare. They don't understand how the most positive person they knew, the "light" in their lives, their shoulder could fall but the only reason you were their source of hope is because you lost yours; almost. But that tiny shrapnel that existed, the tiny glimmer of light was now gone as you plunged into the endless darkness with nothing holding you back anymore. The monster you were controlling started controlling you and from that moment to every moment after it echoed around your brain, the hollow space within your ribs; "I can't".
