For the first time after a long time, it feels like there's no heavy load on my shoulders. Booze or sex didn't cause this and feels fucking amazing as I dance around the room avoiding the cracks. I leap from table to table avoiding the lava, gleeful laughter ripping out of my throat and I stay frozen for a couple of minutes; ravishing the foreign sound that escaped my mouth on its' own accord. My least favourite dinner doesn't bother me as I smile and take the plate, gobbling it up; finishing the entire plate for the first time after a long time. The passions that I assumed were burnt out return in my brain, flickering madly blazing in to an inferno. I'm restless in a good way as I cuddle the stray kitten keeping it warm; away from the rain as I hold her tight and she sleeps peacefully on my lap. For the first time in a long time, I'm at ease. There is no mental breakdown scheduled to happen, waiting at the tip of my dry, crackling tongue as I push all of it away. The desperation of yesterday when I could barely make myself move is gone. The hallucinations and nightmares of the night before has faded. The future doesn't seem daunting anymore. The changes that are more noticeable doesn't bother me anymore. My sister has gotten on with her life and it's time I do the same. The people who've hurt me have gotten on with their lives and it's time I stop being hung up on them. I said no and I stuck to it and that made me feel so fucking good. So now, I don't have to step around on eggshells around you anymore. No, I'm not fully there yet and yes, this might only last for the night but damn me if I'm not going to milk it for all it's worth because for the first time in a long time, I'm happy. I took the pain away from a lot of people and that weighed me down like a thousand tonne anchor but that anchor has morphed itself into a helium balloon, lifting me above into the storm clouds where lightning strikes my skin electrifying me and I scream at it to give its' best shot. The graveyard has sprouted flowers and while it knows that someone will trample on it sooner than later; the corpse underneath it knows it will stir again when someone brings a bouquet for it and eventually an entire garden of weeds and wildflowers shall grow from its' body muffling everything that makes it sad. For now its' eyelids flicker and it goes back to sleep for it will rise again and again till it's strong enough. For the first time in a long time, the corpse doesn't feel like it's decaying but rather like it's decomposing to give way for something more beautiful and prettier; for something bigger than its' entire being and it isn't tied down by the roots of the bigger trees anymore.
