1. I almost trip over myself desperate to get to the phone. I get up and check it every 5 minutes even though I told you I might not be able to text for a while because I don't wanna leave you hanging. Scared that you will think that I have bigger oceans to explore while I'm barely at the edge of this one.
2. I will always be semi-paranoid that you're only with me because I'm fucked up. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. My biggest fear is looking into the eyes that used to fill me with warmth but finding it full of pity. Even today, sometimes, occasionally, rarely, I wonder if you would have chosen me if I wasn't that damaged.
3. I know what it's like to lose all feelings. It has happened to me before I just hope that it won't happen here,
4. I will always have a bigger problem than I'm letting on; not because I don't trust you because I do not want to place more weight on you. If it were up to me, I would hold your hand and draw out the poison. I would extract the tendrils of the dark roots buried in you and let a garden grow within myself. I would be Atlas and you would curl up around my feet to sleep.
5. I will give give give give and still find more to give because your love fills me up. I can never tell you how much this terrifies me.
6. Some nights, you will watch me crumble. Ghosts of my past will dance up my throat and claw at me dragging me down. I will try to fight them and you will be terrified. Everything you touch will disintegrate and fly away; helpless you'll want to give up. I won't blame you if you do.
7. Some nights you will crumble. Ghosts aren't specific to me even though I wish it was. I will feel my heartbeat all over my body, fear will cover my brain with honey, making me slow and sickly. When the sun comes up, and it will, I will be there, lying next to you. Holding your demons in the cage of my chest; I promise I will never let them escape.
8. Some days will be quiet. Dragon flies buzzing, sun shining, arms holding one another. We will forget about the storms that now seem like distant dreams.
9. I love you,
10. You calm me.
