Heartbeat Song

Chapter 2

Living is giving.

Giving all that you've got in your life,

But definitely, in the end, you have to give up,

for living ends in dying.

~ ofwordsandcolours

________

Anna

It's already afternoon when I woke up.

I guess Cindy is still at school.

What should I do now?

I feel so helpless and dumb at this very moment. What can I do? I was still shocked deep within my bones due to the nerve-wracking things that had happened just yesterday. I don't know what to do about it, I don't even know how to react. Damn. Can't I just get a normal misery than this one that I have now?

I've never been helpless, hopeless, depressed and down in my entire life like this. I feel like all of what I've been through is coming back in my mind.

I mean, yes, I'm already just fine with what kind of life I've had in my past and until yesterday. I've been through in a lot of unexplainable and difficult things in life that made me strong and hard just the way I am.

The struggles that I've had when my Mama and Papa was always fighting, throwing curses to each other and beating up the heck out of them until they feel tired of it, while me on the other side, was always kept locked inside a wooden cabinet, so that I won't get in their way. Well, it's my Mama's idea, as it's the only way to protect me during those times, based on what she said.

The challenges that I've had when I was left alone, both of them leaving for what in the world job that they have during those times, and I was just there, at the house, a house that seems like being torn by a hurricane that came out of nowhere. So, what's my deal? Clean up all those messes if I don't want to let my Mama be left out by another man that she used to be with every time that Papa is not around. It's almost for every, single, forsaken day that I used to clean their mess from their fights, just to see my Mama happy with the other man, though I thought that, that thing isn't really moral.

In the end, Papa and Mama got separated and I've got another Papa - the one who is always with my Mama every time that Papa is not around. Thankfully, er, or not, our lives had been better because of that other man. He's a good person, and when I had reached my age for school, he did all his best to established a good schooling life for me, he and my Mama.

At first, all was smooth, and then, of course, it became rocky and unsteady.

My Mama has found out that my new Papa has a wife, so in all means, my Mama was a mistress. They did fight about it, but their love for each other was deep enough, that's why they weren't split up. It's just that, of course, the legal wife did her best to make our lives miserable.

My new Papa did lose his good job, but good thing my Mama was still having her job, and before all of the bad things occurred, they have already keep up enough money for me to make it up to College. See? They were really good.

We tried all our best to make a living.

Since when everyone has found out about my Mama being a mistress, the society outcasted us. The neighborhood, my school mates, my so-called friends, and even my teachers.

I did all my best to be strong in every single day that they were trying to slap me in the face with the words that my Mama was a mistress and a whore and a leech, and me, like bastard trash from a mother leech.

In my entire childhood life up to my teenage years, I've never wasted a single tear. I've been a living deaf and blind and mute kind of person. I've never really cared to show a single reaction to what all the people around me have tried to throw at me.

My Mama always told me that 'the tears of a lady are like the most treasured diamonds in this world, so don't ever cry because of the people that hurt you, and no matter how this world is treating you, make your agony and sadness and even anger into something bright, make it a fire that'll burn inside you and will drive you to keep living and fuel you to have the courage to do so.'

Yes, my Mama was not an ordinary housewife or mother telling pieces of advice to her daughter. Though what she has always told me is like that, it definitely doesn't apply to her. She was a crybaby.

I've done all the things that she has told me, especially that advice, not until when I was on a middle of a poem recital, and my teacher called me abruptly and hysterically, asking me to go with her.

I don't even want to go back to that particular memory in my head, what I could just remember was that when we were already at the place, my knees fail and I fell on the ground as I literally felt the chills jolting in my whole body. At first, I was shocked and deeply numb. But as soon as I touched my Mama lying on the ground, bloody and bruised, with my new Papa, I felt lots of deep emotions that came to stir up into a bomb that I needed to let go. I did let it explode. I cried. A lot. Like there's no tomorrow.

That had happened when I was in my third-year high school. All the expenses from that car accident have been covered by their insurance as well as up to their funerals.

After that incident, after the burial, I didn't waste any time to still mourn. My Mama's words were still lingering in my mind, that's why I am treasuring them. What I did is talk to the realtor who knows about our house, the one they left, of course, it's not yet fully paid because we were just renting it at that time. I gave the house back to them and left all the furniture with it, which was in favor of my decision at that time. The realtor had paid me a good amount of money for that matter.

I was already in third-year high school at that time. It has only been two months since I became a third-year high school. So, I fixed all my papers and transfer documents and decided to go to another school and to live with myself as I started a new life.

That place is where I am living right now. This place is far enough from the place where I used to be and I'm so thankful that I've decided to live here in this city.

I can't say that I've never had some obstacles living here, it's just that, I know it's really different from what I've had on my past.

And I never thought that I would have a big one.

I never thought that I could have the greatest obstacle that I've never even imagine in my life full of misery.

I felt like I was a ship, finally sailing away from the past which is the shore and I'm already in the sea, having a good sail, but something has hit me, that in just a snap, turning me into wreckage sunk in the darkest depths of the ocean.

That's what I feel with myself right now. If it weren't because of yesterday, I guess I won't be like this.

Yesterday, I must say, I considered it as the best day of my life.

________

A/n:  Hello! I hope some of you, my awesome readers will give time to hit the vote button down there, and if you have some thoughts with you guys, please let me hear it from you in the comment section.

Thank you and may you spread the word about this new story, like a jam or a Nutella that you happily used to spread into your sandwiches.*^,^*

Xoxo.

~ Miss Elle