Heartbeat Song

Chapter 31

Anna

I'm... I'm -

I don't even know what to say...

Speak more.

I urge myself.

Words seems to be stuck at the tip of my tongue...

The soothing music from the background coming from the violin and harpsichord is not helping at all to sooth my shaken world.

I cried.

For freaking goodness - I just cried.

After ages of emotions bottled up, I cried.

I cried just now.

I cried!

In front of him - I cried.

I freaking cried!

And my legs now are still shaking. But I'm trying really hard to stop trembling.

"I already decided on the menu, if that's alright for you. But if you didn't like it—"

"No - I mean, I'm fine with it." I say. Goodness, Anna. Don't sound so silly. He's going to notice my still bothered self. Try to relax, okay?

"Alright." He smiles gently at me, spreading warm on my still slightly trembling body. I just hope he won't notice my uneasiness. And wouldn't think that it's towards him.

He signals with his hand and stands up.

Wait, where is he going? To the bathroom? Because I badly need to recollect myself now or perhaps I should ask for the bathroom instead.

But he walks towards me.

No.

Please no...

I don't think I can handle more -

He lowers down.

Oh my gosh...

"Luke -" I gasp. He's now holding my clasped hands on my still shaking thighs. He noticed! I mentally hiss at myself.

"Anna, just calm down." He looks up at me and flashes that gentle smile of his. Oh, Luke... You're asking for the impossible...

"Breathe." he's stroking tiny little circles on the back of my hand. As if that could help!

He doesn't understand.

I actually don't know what to do now...

The hinges of the door from my past were shaken. Now, all my insides are in red alert. My heart is still racing, but not to the point of having an attack again. My mind is panicking. I am troubled. Deeply and dangerously troubled - because I cried.

Silly and funny reason.

But it means a lot to me.

I can't -

I don't know if I can or I should accept that fact. Or if I could bring myself to face that fact.

It's... It's extremely dangerous, for me.

The emotions inside are stirring, drowning me in the pool of my despair. I'm overwhelmed, I'm conflicted, I'm confused.

I'm wrecked, once again.

But this time, I'm beautifully wrecked.

Why? Should I let this happen? Could I let this happen?

My eyes aren't still leaving Luke.

This man in front of me... Am I willing to throw myself at him - the bruised and scarred me? I don't think that I deserve this - this. My eyes roam at the entire place.