DISCLAIMER: These review/critique things are based on first impressions. I will NOT be reading the entirety of your book. My purpose is to urge my clients to learn something new about their story. (Though opinions may vary across participants.) Mayb...
UPDATE: The author has changed cover since the review.
#NoKinkShaming (unless your kink is/involves rape, bestiality, cannibalism, incest, or involves minors...)
Ahem.
~
Title: The Last Philosopher
Genre: Fantasy/Attempted Comedy
Blurb:
Before there was anything there was nothing and when everything is gone nothing will remain.
What if the difference between nothing and everything was in the idea of how little you could care?
The oldest sorcerer in Empris has been having terrible and devastating nightmares. He has opted for insomnia in line with the avoidance strategy of his magick school. However, it may not be enough and someone might have to start actually doing something, no matter how unwilling they might be.
Status: Ongoing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Starting Points: 30
Cover: It's hideous. I had to stare at it for a long time, before coming to that undeniable conclusion. Either you're stuck with this because the cover maker you wanted, required actual cash. Or, you did it yourself, or worse, your cover maker hates you.
At first, I thought it was a wrinkled up brown napkin, with a faded guy printed on it. After minutes of squinting, I think I finally figured out the puzzle though. It's sand.
Right?
Anyway, whatever it is, kill it with fire. (-10)
Title: I thought of Harry Potter (even if it has nothing to do with the sort). Also, it fits well, so no points lost.
Summary: Apart from some much-needed commas, it's close to perfection. I had to read it over a couple times because the cover was so ugly it distracted me for a while. After my vision was cleared of the atrocity, all was well. I realized how interesting this story sounded. So good job, I want to read on.
Opening thoughts:
-You still have my attention, and I can't spot any grammatical errors that are going to ruin my experience. Also, there isn't any dialogue...*dances*
-*Reads on for another seven minutes*
-*Wonders why the hell is this chapter still going on?*
-Okay, let's officially start. I love books that try to expand my mind, thoughts on life, and all that hoopla...But, it is two in the morning and now I'm slowly dying, because of you.
-What did I do?
-My scalp hurts, and psychotic moths keep attacking my computer screen (I know you secretly put them up to it). Worst of all, there isn't really much to talk about because the writing is weirdly close to perfect (even though it's incredibly boring and drags). Screw you
Characters: Not much right now, though there are planets, and some guy talking about particles. My anger got in the way, and I kind of don't care. (-8)
Dialogue: It does not exist in this realm. I'm not taking off points because I don't care either way since it was well-written.
-I lied, I'm taking off points. (-5)
Inconsistencies (if any): I barely understood what was going on, and it was too boring. (-1)
Writing Style: This is the first thing I noticed after a minute of reading. Your writing style is a unique one, indeed. I felt ten times smarter after reading it. It wasn't because you were particularly using *Fox News reporter voice* outlandish vocabulary throughout it, but more so because you have an amazing way of using words. My hair has been snatched, and now I'm bald--actually there's only raw scalp left. Help.
Likes/Dislikes:
Simple.
-Your writing style really needs to be applauded.
-You need to get on with the book. (-1)
-However, at least you're not rushing everything, so props for that.
Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if they're noticeable to me): Learning what a comma is an amazing thing, and using them to separate independent clauses from dependent ones--saved my life.
Where you need to improve:
-Your sentence structures (I have that same problem as well).
-Moving along with the story, you will lose a lot of people's attention. You're milking this opening for far too long.
-Keeping your audience's attention.
~Getting a funny bone. I didn't laugh once, but maybe it's just me. You did say it was a failed comedy, but I don't care; I am petty. (-5)
Why/When I stopped reading: I died of boredom and anger. It was after chapter one ended, and I couldn't look at the story any longer. Plus, you ran out of points.
Gummy Bears or Dust: You get................................................................
Nothing. Not even dust.
Kidding!!!
You actually get..................................
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Gummy Bears!!!!!!! For Effort!!!!!!!!!
Kidding!!!
I'm kidding.
*Whispers* kidding.
Seriously guys, if anyone likes satire, space, a shit ton of originality, and fantasy; go check this book out. It really is a gem, all you need now is an editor. It just isn't for me, but I did give you two votes.
