Brutally Honest Reviews™

Hayden

UPDATE: The author has changed the cover since the review.

Word Count: 1517

Title: Hayden

Genre: Vampire

Blurb: Sick of the stories and superstitions of her hometown, Anne decides to put an end to them once and for all. With a midnight trip to Greenbay's Cemetery, and the reading of a spell, she proves herself right. Or so she thinks. 

When she meets a man claiming to be a vampire, the myth starts to seem a little less crazy. Faced with death, she strikes up a deal. A deal that he intends to hold her to, for better, or worse.

*~*

"Though we-I, am called a variety of names, not necessarily flattering," his eyes flickered, "I prefer to be called a-"

"Vampire," I breathed out.

He slightly tilted his head to one side, raising an eyebrow.

"You're smart," he commented, and took a step towards me.

"And stubborn," he continued in that deep voice of his, taking another step, bringing himself just a foot away from me.

"And in danger," he finished, closing the distance between us.

Status: Ongoing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: Since this is a teen fiction, I do think the cover is fitting. I don't necessarily like it, but I think it's attracting the people who are interested in this genre. Though, I do think the line covering his eyes should have been red like the blood splattered behind him. The black seems a bit random. No points lost nonetheless.

Title: I'm not a fan of books/movies being titled after actual names. Unless it's a cool name like "Salt." Oops. (-2)

Summary: *Face palms*

-Okay, another two part summary...except this one has an excerpt that contains incorrect dialogue punctuation. Yikes.

-Girl, you cannot be serious. If you don't take that mess out.... (-5)

-The summary is fine, the excerpt destroyed my lady boner. Love yourself.

Plot: Anne doesn't believe in supernatural things, until one sexually harasses her...

Ba Dum Tss!

*Coughs*

Moving on.

Opening thoughts:

-I see a gif of that guy on tumblr who pretended he was a black guy, but forgot to click anon.

...

-Iconic. (-5)

-I just realized this is a high school based story....*curls up into a fetal position and sobs*

- So, already there is a run-on sentence trying to make me fight it. I'm getting so tired of this foolishness. End your sentences, please—please just do it.

*Holds on to you with tears in my eyes*

-I'm just trying to make it in a world without run-on sentences, and you guys clearly want me to fail. What did I do?!

-Here's the excerpt since I am such a legend:

"We were all required to wear Halloween costumes, hence I was adorning a long velvety gown while Lynn had worn a black and white reaching her thighs, and had painted her face so that it looked like spider webs."