Brutally Honest Reviews™

🌟Only Ash (N)

(Note: I finished this at 6 AM but fell asleep. Wahhhhh)

Word Count: 2478

Title: Only Ash

Genre: Science Fiction

Blurb: Russia has been kidnapping kids from around the world to run experiments on them. Hendrix 'Trick' Sanchez was on of those kids, his little sister, Elle, was another. Seven years into captivity, the base Hendrix is being held at is destroyed in a sudden and mysterious attack. But it's an out of the frying pan and into the fire experience, and all Hendrix can do is fight to keep his sister safe.

~NEW VERSION~

In the year 2177, following the 22nd Century World Crash that decimated the economies of hundreds of countries, the Red War was sparked. Four years in, Russia called for a ceasefire. Outnumbered despite their impressive arsenal of nuclear weapons, they pulled back their troops and agreed to a treatise put forth by the members of the UN. Unknown to the rest of the world, and even to the Russian public, the army began kidnapping kids from all over to run experiments on them.

Twelve-year-old Hendrix 'Trick' Sanchez from the poverty stricken city of San Juan was one of those kids, his little sister, Elle, was another.

Seven years into captivity, the base Trick is being held at is destroyed in a sudden and mysterious attack. With his closest friend, Maverick, at his side he escapes into the tundra. But it's an out of the frying pan and into the fire experience, and all Trick can do is try to keep his sister safe.

Status: Ongoing

~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: My "biggest" issue with it is that it's a bit too dark, the font needs to be brighter, and it looks like the title is "Ash" because the font for "Only" is so small...and ugly. It needs work but it's okay so I'll only dock a point.Update: I just recalled that this is the cover of a science fiction book. Yeah, this doesn't translate well at all. The author needs a new cover. (-3)

Title: I feel no way about this. It's super bland and achieves nothing. I'm not taking off a point because I've seen worse and I can ignore it for the most part.

Blurb:
-The reason the first summary is considerably poor is because it's written in present tense when summaries are generally written in past tense, the conflict isn't given a source that can really give the audience any bearings on how a series of events led to "children experimentation" (which can dissuade readers from wanting to even open the book), the plot-point that starts the plot is super vague and borderline uninteresting, and finally, the last sentence only manages to leave the reader confused of what is just said. Now, the improved re-written summary does fix some of these issues, but it also reuses the same final sentence that is originally weak and the worst part of the former blurb.

-But anyway, my only gripes with the current blurb (besides that last sentence) is that there is a glaring plot hole that keeps staring at me and it's getting hard to ignore now. I think it wants me to call it out.

-Excerpt: Unknown to the rest of the world, and even to the Russian public, the army began kidnapping kids from all over to run experiments on them.

-I find it difficult to believe that people would not notice children disappearing, and since it seems like Russia isn't being discriminatory to the exact kids they are picking (race, demographic, gender etc wise) I'm guessing some white kids are getting snatched up during all of this boogie man crime. And if we are all going to be perfectly honest, if one white kid (especially more than one) disappears it's a huge deal. People will notice. To avoid pestering questions like mine, either give specific reasoning why no one is paying attention to the rise in missing children (e.g. the media has been disestablished/outlawed/isn't funded by the government anymore, there is no more technology or at least not in the hands of the public/it is hard to access, corruption runs rampant in all scales and there is total anarchy) and is not actively trying to figure out why it is occurring.