The Music or the Misery (Book 2)

Baby You Were My Picket Fence

       

While I traveled back to my home town, I decided to forget about the pressures of life and try and enjoy my time away. I also didn't tell my father I was coming. I want to surprise him.

When I saw my little blue fiat still in the drive way, I feel sick with nostalgia. I'm surprised my father hasn't actually sold it yet, I told him to get rid of it.

Knocking on the door with one hand and gripping my travel bag in the other, I wait awkwardly for him to answer. As soon as he opens the door and sees me, I'm pulled forward, into a huge hug.

"I had no idea you were coming, honey!" He yells, squeezing me tight.

"That's kind of the point!" I laugh, hugging him back.

"It feels like I haven't seen you in years" he says, letting me go.

"Dad, it's only been seven months!" I tell him and grin happily, clearly glad I'm back. Surprisingly I don't hate being here, in fact I feel quite calm, regardless of the events that occurred last time I was here.

He lets me inside and takes my bag. I already know from the expression on his face that he's going to question me like mad.

I'm proven right as we sit down at the kitchen island and he fires away.

"So how is your course?" He begins. It's a vague question, I don't know where to start. I do know that I'll have to seem more enthusiastic than I really feel.

"It's going well, I think. Although I'm excited to choose which sector to specialize in, I'm sure that's soon" I tell him, plastering the best fake smile on my face.

"Right, what are you thinking?" He asks and I know what I'm going to say will give me brownie points. I don't want to say it but I know it will make him happy. If I follow in his footsteps, then maybe I'll make him proud. It's the only thing that I'm good at these days. I won't get to live my dream, whatever that may have been but I do get to make my father proud.

"I want to be a pediatric doctor..." I say and watch his face transform from happy to ecstatic.

At least I'm making someone happy.

We spend the rest of the night catching up on what we've missed in each other's lives. He asks me how I've been coping. I suppose I'm not really coping at all and since the night of the concert, I don't know how to feel. I didn't tell my father that part, knowing he'd no doubt try and issue a restraining order. I might not want to see Patrick but I don't think we need to go that far.

I found it really hard to sleep in my bedroom, feeling slightly out of place even if it is still technically my home. It doesn't feel like a place I belong in anymore.

***

The next day I have breakfast with my father but just like I expected he has to work. It seems some things don't change but I can tell he didn't want to leave, which makes me feel slightly loved. With nothing else to do in an empty house I decide to get out of there and find a place for me work on yet another essay.

Spring break or not, I don't get a real holiday. The course I'm on is a constant cycle of coursework, which doubles as homework really. That's just the theory stuff, I'm dreading the work placement that I know will be coming up soon. The little hands on experience I've had so far has been basic yet terrifying and I don't know how I'll cope with real patients.

Still, I try not to think about it as I end up in the coffee shop down the street. I chose hot chocolate, considering I'm not a coffee lover and found a nice table in the corner, away from most people. My mind has been wandering ever since I took a seat. My laptop is open in front of me but the document is only half full and I've typed a whole fifty words. I just don't feel any motivation right now.