The Music or the Misery (Book 2)

Like A Moth Getting Trapped In The Light Out Of Fixation

                    

Patrick's P.O.V

There are no words to describe the feelings that overcame me that night, in Cambridge. I'd been so focused on getting through the set, that I hadn't glanced into the crowd once. Until I felt a large pull to the front row. I'd been confused at first but when my eyes took in the gorgeous sight of the girl, I'd been subconsciously searching for, I couldn't move an inch.

I'd glanced into the crowd many nights before, hoping that I'd see her but never actually expecting it. At that point though, it was if my prayers had been answered.

She looked just as shocked as I probably did but oh so beautiful. Her face was cast half in shadow, her eyes wide, glimmering in the low light. It reminded me of all the times she gazed at me in the past, with love and passion. I shouldn't have been able to make any of that out but I know her so well. Everything detail that my memory couldn't do justice, came back into screaming beauty. I could barely blink, as I tried to think of ways to be alone with her, to talk to her.

I had never lost hope and in that moment, I was glad. I'd found her after seven months. Every one of them lasting forever but there she was and surely now, I could make things right.

Except, a few moments later she freaked out and in a blink of an eye...was gone. I watched in utter panic as she dived through the crowd, while I stood paralyzed unable to stop her.

It made me itch to jump off the damn stage and follow but the crowd knew something was wrong and Pete was whispering in my ear, telling me I had to continue. He was right of course; I couldn't just leave half way through a show, no matter how much I wanted to.

I had to be happy with the small reassurance that I knew roughly where she was now and that small piece of information got me through the rest of the show. It had to get me through the night too because I had no idea how to find her once the show was over.

As I laid in my hotel room that night, I grinned as I worked out why she was here. She chose Harvard. I have no idea what she's studying but I'm so happy that she's here because she deserves it. I try not to think about the main reason she no doubt chose to be here. I don't want to think it was because of me but I'm not stupid.

It's been hard to keep positive over the months and I almost declined, when Pete told me we had been given a record deal, if we wanted it. It took a while for him to convince me. I didn't want to play another thing unless Violet was there to support me but then I realized the opportunities It presented. I'd get to travel and I'd most likely have a say in where we played. So, I said yes and hoped to god, my very vague plan would work.

Now it kind of has and I couldn't be happier. The feeling of despair in my gut is still very much present but now I've seen her, it's less jarring. I now believe that I could get her back... It's actually possible now.

I couldn't act on my urge to stay near Harvard because we still had more tour dates to cover. I was so close to cancelling but I couldn't let the guys down. The second we began driving away from the area the day after the concert, I felt the immediate grief it caused. The natural hold she had on me, begging me to stay where I now knew she was. It made my bad mood even worse and I knew that I became hard to be around for the guys.

Although, I've waited this long, surely a little more time wouldn't hurt. Even as I thought those words, I knew just exactly how much it would hurt me. I think it was obvious in my performance as I struggled through them.

When the tour did end, I planned to go to her, until I realized that I had no actual plan. I needed to make our next meeting perfect, I had to be sure that she would listen to me. I needed time to think but I couldn't bear the thought of staying away from her for another day. I was in complete turmoil, fighting with different needs and urges. Go to her and scare her off, or wait and devise a plan. I chose the second and travelled home to Chicago with a heavy heart.