The Music or the Misery (Book 2)

I Want To See Your Animal Side

        "We need to talk, right now!" I exclaim as Patrick glances down to the box in my hand. I'm gripping it tighter than necessary. When his eyes meet mine again, he looks more than worried.

"Is everything okay? Come in" he says but instead of replying, I follow him inside to the sitting area. When he turns to me, his expression is sad.

"You don't want them do you?" he asks quietly, already working out why I'm here. I haven't even answered him but he knows. I'm not sure if I want to shout at him or cry because I don't know if I'm angry or just afraid of what I'm feeling.

"I can't take them back Patrick. It's too much" I tell him and he sighs, running his fingers through his hair frustrated.

"They're yours Violet. Just like the drum kit is. You deserve it" he whispers although it looks like his world is falling apart. He looks completely gutted. He must have thought I would have reacted better. I just can't deal with all of this. Everything was fine but now the wound in my chest is torn open, as I'm forced to face our past.

"I'm not being ungrateful, it's just I gave you them back in the first place, for a reason" I tell him softly, aware that we're not alone in the apartment. I don't enjoy hurting him either but I don't want to end up like I did before.

"I thought that you might be okay with having them again. I thought we were doing okay. I thought we were getting close again" he says, panicked. I can tell that's he worried this has changed everything and to be honest so am I. This way, I'm forced to see him the way I did before. He was everything and up until now, I could pretend that we were just friends.

"I enjoy being with you and spending time with you but that doesn't mean things can go back the way they were" I try to explain but I realize that I'm not really making sense. I knew we shouldn't have kissed.

"You can't tell me that you don't feel anything" he replies, his eyes wide an unbelieving. I can't feel anything for him, not anymore. So why is this so hard?

He moves closer to me as if he can't resist and the desperate and heated look in his eyes is one I've seen so many times before. I can't help the way my body responds, I just have to ignore it.

"I care about you" I say pathetically. Even I know that I sound off. Maybe I'm not supposed to feel anything for him anymore but I can't shake him.

"You care about me? Is that all?" he asks, his eyes searching mine for answers. If I don't tell the truth, he will know. That doesn't mean I'm not going to try and bluff my way out of this situation. Admitting that I have feelings for him is something I haven't prepared myself for. Maybe I'll never be prepared.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you want me to say" I tell him and he frowns, looking endlessly confused. A bit like myself.

"Has the last month meant nothing to you? Did our kiss mean nothing?" he asks, desperately. The feelings he provokes in me drive me insane. I'm trying to tell myself that I don't care but if I answer his questions honestly then I'd be saying that it meant everything to me. Everything that I shouldn't want.

"It's been nice..." I mumble and his mouth falls open in genuine shock. He walks away from me a little, looking crushed.

"I'm glad it's been nice for you. You know, it's meant the world to me but apparently this whole time it's been one sided. I've been going insane without you and you don't even seem fazed" he's no longer looking at me but the fact that he thinks I don't care hurts. It pisses me off. All I've done is care, from the moment I left. If I didn't then I'd be much happier. The next words I say, I regret instantly but I simply can't hold it back.